dear day shift nurse...

This is a letter I've been mentally writing for the last few years. Almost 2 years ago, I transitioned from a night shift nurse to a day shift nurse and it has been a huge blessing! I'm so thankful for my normal sleep schedule, not having to spend my days off catching up on sleep and feeling like I'm on autopilot all the time. I also love that I can interact with patients' families and the different disciplines who are present during the day time who are never really seen at night (i.e. PT, OT, ST, Case Managers, doctors, etc). However, there are a few things about being a night shift nurse that I always wanted to remember and that I wanted to constantly remind my day shift self of. I've been trying to find the right time to write this post to myself (and on behalf of my fellow night shift nurse colleagues) and I feel like now is a good time. I have enough experience as both a night shift (1.5 years) and day shift (almost 2 years) nurse so hopefully I can continue to remind myself of these mental notes I took for myself and learn to be a better day shift nurse for the sake of my night shifters. :) 

{As a disclaimer - this is not directed to any of my day shift crew, whom I love and who have grown to become my closest friends. These are just things I wanted to tell myself as a day shift nurse from the things I learned/experienced}

Dear "day-shift Sharon", 

Congrats on getting your day shift position, finally! I know you've waited a long time for it. I know that the pace of day shift is different and the culture/people of day shift will be much different than night - but here are a few things I never want you to forget about being a night shift nurse:

1. We night shifters are generally pretty tired people. We don't get as much sleep during the day - you know, our bodies weren't meant to be kept up against our circadian rhythm and life is not accommodating to us night shift folk. Some days, I barely get more than an hour of sleep because there is gardening happening outside, or there is a scheduled fire alarm at 2pm or there might be a bomb squad clearing out your apartment complex - making you wait 4 hours in your car before being able to get to bed in between night shifts (true story, this happened to me!) Also, the sleep quality during the day is super hit or miss. Sometimes you wake up feeling fantastic. Other times you feel like you've been hit by a bus. So, be nice! 

2. Give me a break if I wasn't able to give your 6 AM Synthroid or do your pre-breakfast accucheck. Sometimes it just gets super busy and you have to prioritize other things during that hour (i.e. doing an emergent I/O cath for someone you found out at 6:20 am that they were retaining 2-liters of urine in their bladder - true story). Sometimes, I just forget because the night was crazy and I had other stuff on my mind. Please don't act like the world will end because they missed their Synthroid. I promise the patient will be okay. 

3. Don't roll your eyes at me when I say I had a busy night. I know that day shift people think that night shift nurses just take short naps and paint their nails and drink coffee and gossip at the nurses station. This is so not true. Patients (especially neuro patients with a history of dementia, Alzheimers, sun-downers) do not sleep at night. Most of the time, we are chasing them down, trying to keep them in bed, re-inserting the 10th IV they put out and having to call surgeons in the middle of the night because they pulled their drains.  It's busy at night, too!

4. For pete's sake, please get your foley and restraint orders renewed. This is 100% harder to do during the night because the on-call hospitalists usually have a very limited idea about why your patient is here and what the scenario was regarding their foley or restraint. Have they been trying to bladder train to remove the foley because its the 20th day its been in? Are they trying to limit the use of restraints to help patients get into certain nursing facilities? If you get super busy and forget, I totally understand.. but please try if you can!

5. On that note, please don't be upset or disappointed at me because I didn't get an order for the patient to go off monitor for their morning CT/MRI. It only takes 2 seconds to call the patient's own attending and getting the clearance instead of spending 10 minutes explaining to the on-call hospitalist about the patient's cardiac history and telemetry status for the last 12 hours. If the patient has been sinus without any ectopy and it's an easy call, I'll do it! but please don't be disappointed if I choose to let you do it.

6. Teach me what you learn throughout the day. There are so many more resources during the day shift and you are going to be able to learn so much about everything! When the doctors tell you about the patient's plan of care, or why they choose certain medications/procedures over others - please tell me too! When the case managers explain things about acute-to-acute transfers or what qualifies someone to get into an acute rehab facility - teach me, too! Don't leave me out!

7. If there are any changes that happen throughout the day- please let me know! For example - if the patient was cleared by physical therapy to ambulate to the bathroom - please change the order so it reflects that or at least let me know! Don't make me be the bad nurse who keeps the patient in bed and makes them use a bedpan because she didn't know! 

8. We're often under-appreciated. You guys get the cool pens from the ambulance companies, fresh fruit trays/edible arrangements, pizza, cakes, cookies, etc. They even cater lunch for you guys sometimes for medication inservices (what?!) Also, people tend to remember the staff who worked with them while they were awake rather than the ones who took care of them while they were sleeping, or half-asleep. They also don't really love our little visits to their room when we have to do q4hr neuro checks at 4 AM. Regardless, we work hard and we love our patients the same. Appreciate us, too!

9. I eat a lot of ice chips and drink a lot of coffee - even on the days that are busy. I'm just so sleepy sometimes! So, if I'm not able to read through all the h&p documents, progress notes, surgical notes etc and don't really know every single thing about the patient - be understanding. Sometimes reading those documents while being super sleepy is like trying to write Chinese with your eyes. with glue painted in between my eyelids. It's no easy feat, trust me.

10. Remember that we're a team and that it's a 24 hour job. I know there are some days that I'm unable to do a lot of things during my shift and it messes up your routine and makes for a busy start. Please forgive! I promise I tried my best. If I'm unable to finish the surgical check list, or give a few meds, or sign a few consents, or insert a new IV in lieu of an expiring one - please be gracious to me. There will be shifts where I'll have to do the same for you...and that's okay. We're all on the same team and ultimately our goal is to provide the best care for our patients. So let's work together and help each other out. Let's not make mountains out of molehills. It's a 24 hour job. Chillax. I promise I'll return the favor some day.

Sincerely yours,

Night shift Sharon.

enjoy every season // life lately

A constant battle I have within myself is to find contentment in every season.

Something I'm realizing is that you don't have to look too far to find reason for discontentment in your day-to-day life and there's always a sense of longing for the next best thing. No matter how hard we try, it's almost our natural tendency to take for granted things/moments/people most precious to us. Lately, I've been praying for eyes to see the beauty in the ordinary and the glory in the mundane;   to see that God is purposeful in every season of my life (especially when it's most difficult!) I'm learning that if I take a moment to look deeply into the fine, intricate details of my sometimes-ordinary life - there are a million reasons to rejoice and give thanks every day. I'm trying to make lists of all of the wonderful things I can be thankful for every day. Even in the hardest days, under the most challenging circumstances - there is hope when you know that your God is always in control and that he can use any and everything to bring glory to Himself. I'm learning to enjoy and embrace every single season that God has given me.

In future seasons -  the challenges will look different but the core of my struggle will be the same. I may need to fight be to find joy and a heart of thanksgiving for things like diaper changing - driving to soccer practice, ballet rehearsals, PTA meetings - routine meal-planning -waking up in the wee hours of the night, etc. but here are a few things I'm thankful for today:

1.  Morning Starbucks runs  - and how waking up at 5:30am and driving in semi-heavy morning traffic can be done with excitement and anticipation.

2. My 6:00am accountability group - and our (almost) daily picture texts. It's amazing how much these girls keep me in check and spur me on to be faithful in guarding my time in the Word and in prayer even if we don't see each other face-to-face or engage in conversation on a regular basis. (hi peggy and hmc!)

3. Eugene and his creative, make-shift meals with our super limited pantry items - he has been so patient and gracious to me as I transition into this double-duty, double-job life. My favorite has been his salmon fried rice! My husband is truly the best!

4. Costco - our current obsessions have been chia seeds, Activa yogurts, Acai frozen packets, Cottage cheese and pre-packed salads.

5. Spotify - and for the amazing amount of joy and fun it brings me when spending hours upon hours in the car. I love singing to musical songs, learning harmonies for all my favorite slow jams and rocking out with my windows down! 

6. Pretzel Crisps, to-go hummus cups, fig bars, apple slices, string cheese and the sustenance it provides during my 10-12 hour-day on the road seeing my hospice patients!

7. Google maps - and the fact that it re-routes itself when I miss freeway exits because I'm too busy acting out a scene from a musical. Woops!

8. My awesome college staff team - I'm truly blessed to be able to serve with such a faithful group of people who have such a passionate love for God and for His people. They are truly one of the biggest blessings in my life and a huge source of encouragement to me. 

9. Pho 2000 in Artesia and the amazing late-night runs we're able to do because Eugene is in the middle of his summer break. Actually, thank God for pho - period! 

10. A short but sweet summer vacay to look forward to (We're going on a cruise in a few weeks!) and excitement and anticipation for all the ways that God will use Eugene's third (and hardest) year to grow us in our trust/dependence on Him!

Hopefully the first of many posts.

Let's always rejoice and give thanks!

 "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 -

Yay, I'm a hospice nurse!

So about a month ago I started a new (second) job for a home health hospice company. 

Hospice is a type of care and philosophy of care that focuses on symptom-management (palliative) for patients who are terminally ill. Generally, my patients are usually people who have either been given less than 6 months to live, or decided to no longer pursue aggressive medical treatment. As a home health hospice nurse -  my job is to visit patients in their homes (wherever they live: home, nursing home, board and care, etc) and ensure that they are comfortable and all their symptoms are managed. One responsibility I also have is to answer "death calls" and visit people's homes after they've passed - as the hospice nurse, I have to ensure there are no longer signs of life, "pronounce" them, perform post-mortem care and make arrangements for the mortuary to pick up the body. (To be honest -- this is the only part of my job that I am a little fearful of. I haven't done one of these death calls yet!)

Whenever I tell people that this is what my new job entails - they get super freaked out and ask/say:

"Why would you want to do something like that?"

"That must be so depressing."

"Doesn't that make you feel depressed?"

"How do you cope with that? That's so morbid"

"I would never be able to do something like that. Dead people. Ugh. Gross!"

(image from: google)

I've received a variety of different responses - but little does everyone know, it has always been a goal of mine to be involved with hospice.

 In nursing school, I worked as a nursing assistant during the night shift to get more bedside experience before diving into the mysterious world of nursing. What I learned during that year and a half of answering call lights, assisting with bed pans and getting myself elbow-deep in diarrhea was that I had no idea what exactly I was getting myself into. I had never had anybody in my immediate family hospitalized before, and I actually have never had someone in my family pass away. The idea and reality of death had never been something I had to experience - and I realized in my maroon-scrubbed, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, racoon-eyed experience was that I was a true newbie when it came to death. It was on one of my night shifts as a nursing assistant that I witnessed my first patient die. To this day, I still remember the utter horror I felt and the absolute disbelief I was in after my patient died. I had given her a bed bath and done catheter care for her earlier that night - she had some trouble catching her breath in between her soft-spoken words and had requested some breathing treatments throughout the night - but this was nothing out of the ordinary for her. And then, just like that she was gone. I remember her husband coming out to the nurses' station, beckoning us to come and check up on his wife. "Something's not right," he said. The next thing I remember is standing above her cold, lifeless body learning how to perform post-mortem care. As we were cleaning her body and preparing it for the morgue - all I remember is not knowing what to say. I was completely speechless for hours. I watched the husband quietly weep as he packed up his things to go home. He thanked us, picked up his things, took one last glance at his wife and left. Speechless. My mind was blank. I was so freaked out. That experience taught me that I had absolutely no idea what to do/say/react/respond to people who are dealing with death or the idea of dying.

That next week I signed up to become a hospice volunteer and it was the best decision ever!

I was paired with a few handful of hospice patients at a time and I visited them weekly until they passed. When my patients would pass, I would simply get assigned to another patient. During these visits, I was able to casually build relationships with people who knew they were dying. I got to learn how to talk to people about death, and allowed them to share their stories. Volunteering for hospice taught me that hospice is not about death and dying, but about "helping them to live to the fullest until their very last moment".

As a hospice nurse, I have the unique opportunity to manage and oversee the care for these types of patients. It's truly a unique honor to be invited into the lives of those are so acutely aware of how limited their time on earth is. There is something so sobering about death. When death is near, all the frivolous and meaningless things in life are set aside and the truly important and valuable things come to the forefront. There is a greater sense of urgency to tie loose ends, reconcile broken relationships and to really find the "purpose of life".  Everyone becomes more spiritual, regardless of how agnostic/unbelieving they were during their adult lives.

 This job is a lot harder than I anticipated. I drive 80-100 miles a day, getting from house-to-house. Sometimes the families require a lot of consolation that I'm not always sure how to provide. You don't get a lot of resources when you're in home health - (i.e. where is my clean utility room? and my IV start kit? my Aspira drainage bags? My XR machines to confirm tube placement?) But regardless of how challenging its been to adjust to this new role - I'm learning to find joy and purpose of every patient encounter I have.

I'm praying that every visit I make - that I do so with purpose and with an unwaivering desire to give excellent care. I'm praying that I would grow a genuine sense of love and compassion for the patients and their families - that I would not merely check in and out but really desire to care for them as my own. I'm praying that this "may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ". I pray that the hope that can only be found in Christ be magnified through me as I build relationships with my patients and that they would be able to receive a sense of peace that is not of this world. I'm praying that God would use me to be a blessing to these people, and that I would really be able to love them, serve them and care for them in such a way that would bring Christ glory.

Please pray for me!

Love,

a new(bie) hospice nurse who really wants to honor Jesus.

:)

xoxo

the discipline (and joy) of Work

My job is hard sometimes.  Today my day was filled with....

• "please STAY IN BED! DON'T GET UP WITHOUT US!"
• "keep your IV in please... wait... please, no...don't pull it out...agh!" (5th IV out in 24 hours)
• "please do not call the cops again - we are not keeping you against your will. we're trying to keep you safe. "
• "I'm gonna try to get you on this bedside commode as fast as I can.. please wait" (patient pees on floor/my shoes/my hands)
• "please don't put your hands in your diaper. please don't touch the curtains, there is some poop on your hand" (patient grabs onto the curtain with both hands filled with poop)
• "please don't raise your voice at me. Please, sir, I'm trying to help you" (as he proceeds to call me every bad word that starts with S, SH, F and B")
• "sir, stop kicking me please. keep your legs inside the bed. we really need to keep your hands to yourself, my friend"

On a day to day basis - I get smacked, kicked, spit on, cussed at and threatened. We pour our hearts out. We sacrifice ourselves. We invest our time, energy, strength and love into these lives and desire so much to do all things excellently. But many times, the work we do does not bear visible fruit. There are some days when I feel that no matter how hard I try and no matter how much I invest into people - it is simply not enough. In a job like this, it's quite easy to become burnt out!

What hope we have knowing that God always provides us with the strength to do the work entrusted to us! I'm learning that my strength, my patience and my compassion for people are limited in and of itself. I am so limited. My love is so small. My patience so short! Even when I have the best intentions, it is simply not enough for me to want to do a good job. To do the work that we do every day and to do it excellently is entirely dependent on our reliance on God for strength. It's not the task in and of itself, but from Whom this task and calling was received that I can find the ability to do any job well. It is only when I remember that God is purposeful in all things - and that every patient/work/task he puts under my care is His perfect and sovereign will -  that I can find the greatest joy in doing the work that I do... no matter how challenging, frustrating and trying it can be.

A much-needed reminder for today.

There is no such thing as "Christian work". 

That is, there is no work in the world which is, in and of itself, Christian. Christian work is any kind of work, from cleaning a sewer to preaching a sermon, that is done by a Christian and offered to God. 

This means that nobody is excluded from serving God. 

It means there is no job in the world that needs to be boring or useless. A Christian finds fulfillment not in the particular kind of work he does, but in the way in which he does it.  

The nature of the work changes when we see that it is God who marks out this line of duty for us. It is service to Him. 

Work is a blessing.  

God has so arranged the world that work is necessary, and He gives us hands and strength to do it. The enjoyment of leisure would be nothing if we had only leisure. It is the joy of work well done that enables us to enjoy rest, just as it is the experiences of hunger and thirst that make food and drink such pleasures.  

The Christian has all these in Christ: work, a Master, a hope. Yet how easily we forget this. Let us lift up our work as we lift up our hands, our hearts, our bodies- a sacrifice acceptable because it is lifted up to Him who alone can purify.

Elisabeth Elliot - "Disciplines, the Glad Surrender."

Tomorrow is a new day :)

beautifully mundane and ordinary days.

People often ask me what I do on my days off.

Because nurses who work in the hospital usually work 12-hour shifts,  we usually only have a 3-day work week. This is definitely one of the many perks of being a nurse! Before I was married, most of my days off were spent going eye-shopping, meeting up with people, spending hours reading at cute cafes, taking spontaneous trips with my family and/or friends and basically doing whatever I wanted. It was pretty splendid.

However, now that I'm married - my "days off" are now primarily reserved for my household duties (aka wife duties). On the days I work, I usually work from 7:00am to 7:30pm, which usually doesn't leave a lot of time for chores, sanitizing the kitchen, organizing my fridge, cleaning the mildew from the showers, watering the plants, meal planning, grocery shopping, sweeping the floor, vacuuming, picking up my hair from the bathroom floor, doing laundry etc. This has forced me to be creative with the time I have on my days off to catch up on my chores and keep my apartment from looking like its been hit by a storm. It's a lot of work -  it's tedious and sometimes mundane - but I'm learning to find many reasons to be thankful for the season I'm in now. I know that our life is full of many different seasons and I'm determined to enjoy each one that God graciously gives to me. I know that one day this season will end and I will have to adjust to another... so in hopes to embrace the life I'm living now, here's a snippet of an ordinary day.

Today I attended a 2-hour class at work for a new change they are doing in the computer systems at our hospital. I actually only got about 3-hours of sleep last night, so I had to make an emergency run to Starbucks before. I was feeling super tired and my fatigue deceived my mind into buying a Venti quad-shot (4-shot) caramel macchiato. This was pretty foolish of me because I can never finish more than a few sips. Here I am walking back to my car with my 3/4ths full Starbucks drink. Poop.

After my computer class, I stopped by Trader Joes. 

 This season of my life is truly marked by a deep love for Trader Joes. I seriously love it there. It is currently my favorite spot when I need some retail therapy. (haha, don't judge) Now that we're living in Downey, our closest TJ is a 20-minute drive away so whenever I happen to be near one, I try to find an excuse to go. Last time, it was to get a new bag of chia seeds. Today we were out of eggs. Every time I go to shop, I always look for one thing I've never tried before. 

Today, I got a little can of Thai Curry!

Then, I stopped by the Costco near our apartment.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about our budgeting system. With only $120 to spend for 2-week's worth of groceries, I've been saving up my spare change for a few weeks to buy some meat from Costco. I was really excited to finally be able to walk out of Costco with my HUGE packs of chicken and salmon. I came home and immediately cut everything up into smaller pieces and foiled everything and organized it in my freezer. I was really happy! It's all about finding joy in the little things, people.. :) 

I spent the rest of the day cleaning the apartment, wiping down the kitchen/bathroom, putting things away, sweeping/vacuuming and organizing my fridge/freezer. Eugene was able to come home early for dinner after class so I quickly whipped up dinner for us.

 To celebrate my victorious purchase, of course we had to eat salmon for dinner! 

I made a simple teriyaki salmon with a soy sauce/sesame oil/brown sugar mixture, steamed some veggies and served it with some jasmine rice. Victory (and our celebratory dinner) was sweet. 

I read in one of my food magazines earlier last week that the best way to save time with meal planning and cooking is to make big portions for dinner and plan to eat leftovers for lunch. As simple as that sounds, I never thought of that before! For dinner tonight, I made a lot more than the two of us could eat and the rest of our meal went into a tupperware for Eugene to take tomorrow! :) 

Although my days are ordinary and full of seemingly-mundane tasks and responsibilities, I'm reminded time and time again that my ordinary life ultimately belongs to an extraordinary God. I'm learning that all the seemingly ordinary things that I'm doing can be acts of worship before God when I do it with a heart to honor and serve Him. The tasks in and of itself are tedious, and often seem without end since I basically have to sweep, sanitize, wipe, vacuum, dust and put away clothes almost every day! Though my life and the things I do to spend my time seem mundane to me at times, I know that even my most ordinary tasks do not go unnoticed by the God I am pursuing to serve. 

I hope that no matter what the season - whether it be a busy one full of new experiences and lessons and adventures, or a quiet one with a daily grind full of routines and to-do lists and never-ending chores, that I could approach each day, each season, each task  with eagerness to do all things wholeheartedly. I'm learning that the beauty and glory and purpose we find in our lives is not found in the things we do from day-to-day but before Whom we stand and serve. 

So thankful for this season in my life. :)

* * *

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24

Give thanks: short-days at work, the tremendous blessing I have in my job, my free-reward drink at Starbucks that I can look forward to tomorrow (!!!), a clean apartment, frozen lemonades, washi tape, bedtime prayers with eugene 

A tribute to all neuro nurses and 5 reasons to be thankful today.

Working as a nurse is hard work. I don't think there is anything else in my life that tests my patience or my ability to be thankful/joyful. Don't get me wrong - I love being a nurse! I've dreamed about being a nurse since I was 7 years old, so some might say that I am living my dream. But, as with any other job, there are always things/people/circumstances that try us, test us and teach us how to work unceasingly, to love unconditionally and to serve wholeheartedly.

This might be biased - but I think working on a "neuro floor" requires a lot more patience than any other field in nursing. (Don't throw the tomatoes - I know I'm probably being biased!) We take care of some really sick people, and whenever the brain is involved - things can get a little cray-cray if you know what I mean.

We deal with things like expressive aphasia  - and spend 12 hours not understanding what in the world our patients are trying to say even though they are jumbling thousands of incomprehensible words at a time. A lot of our patients have dementia or some sort of underlying neurological disorder which is only exacerbated by every little thang (i.e. infection, a small heart attack, etc.) If you are a night shift nurse on a neuro floor - you know that "sundowners" and "hospital psychosis" is FO' REAL.  You run around 80% of your shift yelling "MR SMITH, STAY IN BED!!!!" because the bed alarms are going off constantly because patients forget they are at the hospital and are looking for their glasses, or watch or purse, etc. Sometimes you are medicating patients with narcotics/sedatives/mood stabilizers every 15 minutes, or 30 minutes or 2 hours for the entire shift because they have such a high tolerance.  Sometimes you have THREE of these patients and by the end of the day you feel like you did nothing but give pain medication. Sometimes you get pooped on, spit on, slapped, kicked, peed on - you name it.. and you are usually not all that surprised. Lastly, its a good day when none of your patients fall, stop breathing from oversedation or pull out all their drains/IV's/sutures.

It's no joke, people.

However, amidst the busyness and the frustration of working in a challenging floor like ours - it really takes a little bit of extra effort to step back and realize how many blessings are tucked away in all the chaos. I'm thankful for my commute home from work that forces me to reflect on each and every work day and give thanks to all the little and big things that often go unnoticed during a crazy, overwhelming, emotionally-draining, physically-taxing shift.

During my drive back home today, I was trying to think of reasons to thank God for my job today. I thought of at least 50 but here's 5. (some of them are simple, but it's always important to give praise for even the simple things!)

give thanks:

1) I'm thankful to work at a place where I am constantly learning new things. Every day I learn something new from the patients, doctors, physical/occupational/speech therapists, pharmacists, case managers, etc. It's the best kind of place to work.
2) I'm thankful for co-workers who forgive/tolerate me when I sing the "cups song" all day long. Also, for not judging me for using every possible type of "cup" to practice the song at work - i.e. patient coffee cups, medication cups, sani-wipe containers, etc.
3) I'm thankful for patients who say "I love you" back. and for the occasional "thank you!"
5) I'm thankful that I have officially been de-sensitized to all most body fluids (except saliva/mucus). For some reason, I don't mind the stinky things but anything that comes out of the mouth/nose - yuck!
4) I'm thankful and super honored to be working with one of the best stroke programs in the nation! There is no greater feeling than coming to a place where you feel confident about the care your patients are receiving. I love our stroke program!

The above picture is a really awesome picture that one of my co-workers posted. :) I think it really symbolizes the heart behind our work. We really are a family that works to take care of our patients together.  I am truly blessed!

Give thanks!
:)

welcoming april & lessons of a newby wife of a pharmacy student

Woops, the whole month of March passed before our eyes and it's already April! SO CRAZY!!

A lot of things happened last month. Eugene got WAY busier with school (we see each other 2-3 times a week these days....sad!), I got a new job (YAY, praise the Lord!), quit my old job, then actually decided to stay "per diem" at my old job, started to prepare for our grandparents to move in and I learned how to crochet! It'd be impossible to update you on everything that's happened recently, but in a nutshell we're doing okay :)

Eugene will get less busy in a few more weeks and I'm counting down the days! I start my new job tomorrow and I'm pretty excited to start fresh, learn new things, meet new people, etc. I feel like 2013 has been a year of transitions- we've  been constantly trying to adjust to different circumstances, opposite schedules and changing living arrangements. Through it all, we've been learning to be flexible, to take each day as it comes, and to be willing to adapt as new challenges come our way. Being a wife to a Pharmacy student is no easy job! Our marriage has changed a lot since Eugene has started school, and I've had to pick up a few new responsibilities!

My new responsibilities include:

• making lunch and snack packs for Eugene to take to school when he has to stay on campus all day. Trying to find healthier snack ideas for us! Recently, I've gotten into these veggie/protein bags with chopped carrots/broccli/celery, a handful of almonds and a boiled egg. I want to eventually add a cheese stick in there. :)

• waking Eugene up from his "15 minute naps" which actually become  30-minute naps, or sometimes even a 1-hour nap because I feel so bad waking him up.. Doesn't he look really pooped out?

• revising essays and helping Eugene change slide themes and add transitions to his powerpoint presentations. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm in school again too! It's actually pretty fun :)
• reminding him of his work schedule as his very own personal assistant. His schedule is so crazy busy and sporadic sometimes, he tends to forget things here and there. We have his schedule pasted onto the wall now so that I can make sure he doesn't forget to go to work :)
• driving to church on Sundays so that he can take TWO 1-hour naps in the car (he usually stays up really late on weekends, so these naps are sacred!)

The wife I am today looks much different than the wife I was when we first got married. Before Eugene started school, I used to measure how good of a wife I was depending on whether or not I made him breakfast, packed him lunch and made him a variety of different home cooked meals. I depended on neatly folded laundry, an empty sink, well-ironed clothes, a clean and sanitized bathroom and well dusted bedrooms to feel like I was doing a good job. However, now that Eugene is barely home and is rarely ever home to eat a meal-- it was confusing how to do this "wife thing" during this particular season of his life.

However, by God's grace I'm slowly learning that as a wife, my responsibility is not merely to make him good meals and keep the house clean. I realize that being a good, supportive wife means meeting my husband where he is, seeing the needs he has in his day-to-day life and seeking out opportunities to serve him. (Of course the most important and most difficult thing is to do this with a joyful heart!) 

This is no easy task. 

On a day-to-day basis, I am really naggy/whiny and I complain a little  waaaaay too much for my own good (even if not always outwardly). When I'm not careful, its easy to become burdened by this because in and of my own strength, I am so limited. I find that when I try to be a good wife and serve unconditionally and love and sacrifice on a daily basis -- I fall short and fail. I can really testify to that because I seriously fail every day. But praise God that His mercies are new every morning, and that he so faithfully provides us with the grace and strength we need to do all things faithfully! What joy and great comfort we can find in abiding in Christ. I realize I can do absolutely nothing good on my own. How true and how precious the Word of God becomes in my greatest times of need. It's been a slow and painful learning process, but I know that the Lord will carry us through to the end. I know that through every circumstance of our lives, He is growing us in our dependence on him, deepening us in our appreciation for the promises of His Word and sharpening us so that we can grow in Christlikeness.

There is definitely NO way I can muster up the strength and love I need to do this well.
So thankful for God's faithfulness in carrying us through his first year (He only has about a month left.....Yay!)
Only 3 more years of Pharmacy school left..... !!!!! God's grace has brought us this far...  :)

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:4-5

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships,
persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

give thanks: a weekend of celebrations, time to cook, excitement for a new job, brazilian blowout hair treatments, latte art, a successful attempt at pot roast (yipppee!)

Lessons on death, dying and life in Christ.

My heart is heavy tonight.

For the past two days, I took care of a terminally ill patient at work. A few days before arriving to the Emergency Room-- she had been volunteering at hospitals, driving her little Prius around to have brunch with her girlfriends and would go to the theaters to catch a movie with her grandchildren. In a split second, her life was changed forever. Last week, she was an independent individual-- doing her taxes, gardening her plants, making lunch for herself. This week, her family had to undergo the painstaking task of deciding whether to prolong her life or let her go in peace. I grew a deep love and sense of brokenness for this family in the few days I've spent with them. I held their hand as they finally made the decision to stop aggressive interventions to save her life. I walked them through the process of dying and the priority of comfort, and pain-relief during this time. I heard their stories. I was broken for them. In a million pieces.. broken.

Our lives are so fragile.

Thoughts and experiences of death and dying help us to see things with sober eyes. We are reminded yet again of the brevity of life, the fragility of the human body and the temporality of the physical. Death is inevitable. It is forthcoming for all of us and no one is exempt. With human power, medical research and modern technology, we can only postpone death but never prevent it from happening. Most people find thoughts of death to be morbid and dark and scary. However, I think that remembering that our lives are short and that our days are numbered help us to live our day to day life with greater wisdom. When we see our lives for what they really are, that argument you had with such and such becomes a small ordeal -- the few dollars you got ripped off from property management companies become insignificant -- and the amount of money you have, the grades on your chemistry exam, the size of your house, your reputation -- it all becomes no big thang. Thinking about death is necessary. The most difficult thing about death is that we have absolutely no control over it. There is no telling that we will wake up tomorrow, or that a boulder will not fall on our head in 5 seconds to crush our brains (okay, maybe not a boulder.) No matter how much we fear death, we can't do anything to prevent it. 

In the bible, God teaches us that we are ALL dead in our sins. Even as living, breathing people, the deepest parts of our souls are rotten dead in our sins. As dead people, we had no ability to even know we were dead, to realize the helplessness and depravity of our "dead-ness". We couldn't ask to be saved because we didn't realize we needed to be saved! Yet, God in His mercy provided a way for us to be saved from the death we were blindly enslaved to. Jesus died to pay for the sins we could not pay, and God rose Him back to life to demonstrate his power over sin and death. A victory which is now ours. He not only resuscitated us from our death, but gave us new life -- a life that we could now live abundantly forever. Though death is forthcoming for me, I do not fear death. I know that the power of death has been disarmed by the resurrection of my Savior. Physical death only serves as a shadow of the reality of our condition before we are saved. It reminds me that life without Christ is life without purpose or true, lasting hope. It reminds me that if death is inevitable and forthcoming for everyone, that I need to live with a greater sense of urgency to share this message of eternal life! 

God has given us new life.. let us live it abundantly.

Let's give lots of hugs. Let's love relentlessly and unconditionally. Let's preach the gospel with all our hearts and with every ounce of strength and opportunity God provides so that those around us may find true life and experience the joy and hope of knowing Christ as their Savior too.

Woe unto me if I do not preach the gospel..

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:1-7

When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.

         But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:55-57

Quiet Tuesdays

Happy Tuesday!
I'm feeling alot better today (YAY!) and now I'm itching to get back to busy bee life and get back to work!  I forsee these next few days to be full of errands, meal planning and house cleaning and packing (yes, packing! yipes.)

Today was a quiet Tuesday at home.

Kat is moving all her stuff out today, which means no more 3rd roommate. In the 7 months Eugene and I have been married, Katherine lived with us for 5 of those months so it will be pretty different without her presence in the Tseng house. I will miss all the of random dinners and spontaneous Target trips! We always joke about how she was our "practice child" because we would share meals with her and pack her lunches and take her to school, but she totally spoiled us! We will miss you, our dear Katness!

After a long hiatus of cooking real meals, I've finally come back with it in full swing. Today we enjoyed a spaghetti recipe I found on a food blog last week. This is my rendition of a Tomato Basil Garlic Spaghetti with shrimp. I need to find a cooler name for it, but for now this will do.

 We ate it with some Roasted Garlic Parmasean Green Beans on the side. Light & Healthy - my fave.

The rest of the day will be spent reading, doing laundry and dusting around the house before I go grab coffee with a few of my favorite girls. Quiet Tuesdays are pretty sweet :)

Give thanks: home cooked meals, Instagram, photography, pink notebooks, lemon juice, mysterious Asian ointments that help relieve every discomfort, long mornings, hymns, reminders in psalm 37

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
when he delights in his way;
though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the Lord upholds his hand"

Psalm 37:23-24

Seasons

Sunday was daylight savings, which marks the beginning of Spring.

I love Spring! Bright flowers, sunshine everywhere and an excuse to have mad OCD cleaning sessions for the sake of "spring cleaning". It's wonderful! This week, I reorganized my kitchen, wiped down my hardwood floors and did a few loads of laundry. My night shift schedules have been kind of tough for the past few weeks, but I'm so thankful for the days off I have to recover, re-energize and re-order my life and home. Going back and forth from the night owl to regular time schedule has definitely messed up my circadian rhythm and I've been feeling under the weather almost 24/7 for the past 3 weeks. This {unfortunately} usually equates to more complaining, more random crying and more sleeping in-- three things I don't really like to do. (Sorry Eugene!)

It's been a fight to find joy in the ordinary things of every day when I feel so tired and sleepy all the time. It's easy to complain and throw pity parties for myself and far too easy to fall into the temptation of discontentment. But praise God that His mercies are new every morning and that despite my complaining, discontent heart-- that He reminds me of the hope to which he has called me and his immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe. (Ephesians 1:19) I find peace when I remember that this is but a season of my life. A season filled with joys, sorrows and lessons to take away, but just one of many seasons I will be able to enjoy because of the grace of my God.

My night-shift nurse slash frazzled newly-wed wife season will one day pass, and in a few years I will enter another season of {God-willing} home-staying, home-making, child-raising mom and wife. We always think that grass is always greener on the other side, and that once we overcome this certain period of our life that we'll be more happy, less busy, less tired but I'm realizing that's not the case. We're always going to be busy, and there will always be things and people who occupy our thoughts, our worries, our time and our energy. I'm learning that if I keep longing for the next season in life, I will live daily in discontentment and will miss out on the many opportunities to learn, grow and cultivate a greater appreciation for the evidences of God's grace in my life right now. I'm learning I need to stop looking towards tomorrow but live today and embrace it for what it is. I'm learning to praise God for everyday, no matter what kind of day it is.

Today was a house-cleaning, coffee-ing on the patio, book-reading, lunch-ing with a dear sister and errand-running kind of day. Tomorrow may be different!
but for now, I'll praise God for today :)

I also started knitting today! It was my first time in about.. 8 years.

Knitting is so hard! I watched almost 6 youtube videos to get it right.

A few mistakes here and there (a few, meaning ALOT) but I'm gonna let it go for now..

Baby steps, people! 

Give thanks: catching up with esther, hot coffee, sweet deals, quiet times at home, another day to live and rejoice in the God You are!

A big thanks for the small things

On one of my days off this week, I decided to try taking pictures with Eugene's DSLR.

I love picture taking and I deeply appreciate the art of photography but it's definitely not my forte.

My eye for photography is simple and I really love capturing the simplicity of every day life.

In the middle of this warm, crisp afternoon that I spent at home, I wore the DSLR strap around my neck and just took photos of little things of my day. What a beautiful blessing it was to be able to appreciate even the smallest blessings and feel such a great sense of gratitude for them! I am truly blessed beyond measure, far more than I deserve.

I've been trying to decide whether I should start saving up for a (smaller) DSLR of my own. This idea popped into my little head once I started daydreaming about all the moments I hoped to one day capture when we have a family of our own. I started collecting pocket change for this dream about two years ago but due to some lack of motivation, my money-collecting journey did not last for too long. This day definitely rekindled my motivation! Time to start saving up again... baby steps, baby steps!

Here are some snapshots of the little things I enjoyed on this picture-taking day.

A sunshine-kissed empty dining room

Clearance deals at Target. You can never have too many plates! {Especially if they're patterned}

I strongly believe the dishwasher is a God-given gift to wives! Thank you, Lord!

Preparing our home for Easter.. home, body and soul. :)

Simple but sweet. I'm beginning to build a mini collection of decorations for every season. 

Every girl should know how to use a tool box. Especially because hammering is so much fun!

A new addition to our plain walls.

Two of my favorite things. Flowers and photography.

Trying to sharpen up my barista skills. I'm really slackin'..

Just a few minutes to lounge after an exhausting vacuuming and kitchen-cleaning sesh

Buying a loaf of bread to make sandwiches for lunch. Feelin' fancy!

Dinner time

Sore arms by the end of the day!

Hopefully I'll get me a smaller one eventually.. maybe in a few years
{I have $1.50 in my jar so far!}

Give thanks - naps before work, a beautiful sunny day to look forward to, time to rest, time to work, comfort foods, prayers in the car, opportunities to grow in patience and humility at work, my Perfect Example of Perfect love and humility in Christ.

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. {Philippians 2:1-8}