life lately: cultivating habits of gratitude

Life lately type posts are my favorite kind of posts.

I think my favorite thing about these kinds of posts are that it contains snapshots of ordinary, mundane life.

Though to the outside eye, these are mere pictures — for me, it brings to memory intricate details of the day and of our life in this exact season. As the kids are growing older (and more quickly than I would like!) being able to archive snapshots such as these will surely be such a gift to me in the years to come! Most importantly, it has also been helping me to cultivate the ability to give thanks and praise God for the ordinary and mundane, which really compels me to go about each day with more joy and purpose. It helps me to learn how to see even the smallest evidences of God’s grace in the everyday. It draws me to worship. I love it so much!

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I’ve been trying to take these snapshots in the middle of our days for the last few weeks.. been trying to not worry about putting to much thought into it — as to capture these moments as real and raw as possible.  Hopefully I can capture more of the chaos that is our life in this season with littles, but for now.. here are some snapshots of our life lately.

Asher is in preschool!

About a month ago, this little guy started preschool. 

   

I can't believe my baby is in school now. WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?! 

I had a flurry of different emotions leading up to his first day of school, but more than anything I was so excited for him! He loves his teacher, his friends and being in the classroom. He loves learning and is always excited about learning new things! 

Whenever I tell him that he has school the next day, his response is "...GOOD!!!"

   

   

After his first week of school, I conducted a little interview with my 3-almost-4 year old preschooler. Thought it would be fun to try to ask him these same questions every year to see how his responses change and how he grows. (hopefully I can add some good ones in the years to come because I had to think of all of these on the spot once I spontaneously decided to do this while sitting with him on the couch, haha...) Kept all of the answers verbatim and honest, so I apologize in advance for his use of so many "potty" words.. we are working on it... 

• What’s your favorite color? blue, and sometimes green
• What’s your favorite food? sandwich (cheeseburgers)
• What’s your animal? Lion
• Thing to do? Playing games (like on the iPad, the computer at the library, at chuck-e-cheese, at the fair..etc)
• What's your favorite book? the books on khan academy
• What’s your favorite part of the day? When I wake up in the morning because I like to play 
• What kind of things make you sad? When I’m all alone
• What are you scared of? Monsters 
• What is your favorite thing to learn? Learning about animals..that poop (lol...)
• My best friend is: Hanami
• What do I want to be when you grow up? Fireman! 
• What are your hobbies? Go to the aquarium and the zoo, read books, “take good sleeps..sometimes.” 
• What makes you the happiest? playing with something silly
• What are 3 words to describe me? Good, big and great (LOL..this is actually what I've been trying to teach him about God...lol, we are working on it.)
• My goal for this year: to “grow like a fireman or a newt”
• If you could be any animal, what would you be: a bangoo *fart* animal (....lol)
• How do you feel about starting school: GOOD! 

Praying that as you learn and grow this year, that you will also learn the joy and value of being kind, working hard, sacrificing for others and doing all things wholeheartedly. Can't wait to spend this year with you ma dude.

2019 resolutions (almost-end-of-the-year eval)

This post comes a bit late (read: 8+ months late), as I had originally intended to post this in the beginning of the year in Jaunary. when I missed that point, i decided that I might just post it in June for a “mid-year eval” of my 2019 resolutions. but now it’s almost september. Oops!

Although some people feel that the act of making resolutions is a bit-outdated, I actually really love making resolutions every year. Even if I fail to meet most/all of my previous year’s resolutions, it never deters me from writing new ones each year (not sure if that’s a good thing..). I think part of it is that I love making lists in general, but also - I love that in the act of writing resolutions, it provides opportunity to reflect, evaluate and look forward to the ways I want to grow in the year ahead. Also, who doesn’t like a fresh start?

However, this year - I kept my resolutions reaslistic. practical. attainable. and intentional. (I usually have 20 crazy, random and completely unrealistic resolutions, lol!)  I looked deep and examined what my overarching “goals” were for 2019 and what were the areas and ways in which I hoped to grow - then I built my resolutions around them! I also wrote these in February (better late than never!) So here they are — my 2019 resolutions!

 

1. Read at least 10 books 

This was definitely the most ambitious of all my goals.  I wanted to give myself a measurable goal and 10 is a pretty number. Reading has never been my “thing”, although I do enjoy books,  I never really found the time and place in my life for them. However, I commited to reading 15 minutes a day every night before I go to sleep (in place of my scrolling through the never-ending video reel on facebook aka the pit of no return).

It has been surprisingly easy to commit to and very attainable. We purged most of our physical books last year, so I read most of my books on the kindle app on my phone so much of my reading is done in bed before I sleep. I made a list of books I wanted to read or have been intending to read and started with those. I’ll share my list in another post (hopefully..)

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Progress Report: I’ve finished 7 books so far (the most I’ve ever read in one year!), and currently reading 2.

 

2. Start incorporating school/structure at home 

 

This is the resolution that I have made the least amount of visible progress in. 


 

This year was busy because I ran a small mommy-and-me preschool for a group of kids at my church, so incorporating more school structure at home was hard to do. However, running that small preschool of 8-10 kids gave me more confidence in my ability to do it at home (since I only have to teach one kid now!) and also gave me an idea of how to best teach and engage this age-group so hoping that I can work on this more next year as Asher enters preschool. (He starts next week!) 

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Progress report: currently in the process of  collecting supplies and curriculum and books, but no formal structure yet! Just been enjoying playing and reading and being silly at home!

 

3. Memorize more scripture! 

 

This resolution always ends up on my list every year, and yet my efforts in this wax and wane throughout the year. However, since becoming a mom - I’ve learned how absolutely essential it is for me to be “armed” with God’s word and to have verses stored in my heart to draw from when I'm stretched and in need of reminders and encouragement (which is ON. THE. DAILY). Recently I’ve been very convicted by Psalm 1 and the imagery of a tree that is planted by streams of water. I’ve come to learn (in both understanding and by experience) that there is truly nothing that nourishes and strengthens me than the way God’s living and active Word can. 

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭1:1-3‬ ‭ESV

 

I really wanted to commit myself to systematically memorizing through whole chapters or books of the bible and I’ve been tremendously blessed through the process. Of course as a mom with 2 little kids demanding constant attention and a brain capacity of 13%, this is not an easy thing! But PTL for technology because the immediate and constant access I have to the bible on my phone (via the Bible App) and my new favorite app (search “Bible Memory”) has made this a very attainable goal.

Practically, I try and set aside a few minutes every day but it's definitely still a challenge! I've been trying to redeem idle time (i.e. when I'm waiting for my drink at Starbucks, or for the microwave to finish heating up my food, etc!) and I’m realizing more and more that I just need to integrate scripture memorization into the fabric of my daily life. Truly worth the effort! (One of the books I read this year — a super short one, was “an approach to Extended Memorization of Scripture” by Dr. Andrew Davis and I found it helpful!

 

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Progress report: memorized through James this year with my church and currently working through Philippians and Psalm 139 (my current favorite Psalm). Also trying to spend some time each week to review through verses I’ve memorized in the past.

 

4. Finish the Bible Reading Plan!

 

Last year, our church’s family ministry started a 2-year bible reading plan. Prior to starting this reading plan, I had never once completed a bible reading plan in my life (lots of excuses and not enough discipline on my end...) Also, in the 12 years that I have been a Christian, I had never once read through the entire bible from cover-to-cover. Eugene and I both decided to sign up for this 2-year reading plan and I am so thankful and happy to say that we have persevered through it thus far! We are currently on day 242 of our second year and it has been so awesome! This is also the first time in our whole marriage that Eugene and I have read the same thing at the same time, and this awesome app makes it easy for us to keep each other accountable (note: the “E” and the “S” on the picture below. Once we complete our reading for the day, a checkmark appears next to our letter and there is also a place where we can share or chat about it (under “talk it over”, which we rarely use..hehe. But Yay! So thankful and so excited to finish strong and be able to get to the end! 

 

 

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Progress Report: Day 242 and the end is nigh! So excited. Currently reading through Ezekiel for the first time!

 

5. Healthy lifestyle change (eating + active!)
 

Please note that my resolution doesn't say, "lose weight" or "eat healthy" or "go to the gym X amount of times". I wanted to change my perspective on this and focus less on trying to set specific goals and just focus more on changing our lifestyle as a whole! It's been great thus far (although I feel like there is not much progress outwardly or on the scale..), I can confidently say that our lives are healthier today than last year! Also, having an apple watch has helped me track my exercise and its been a great source of accountability!
 

At home, we've been trying to eat better (more real food and less processed, more veggies/fruit, less carbs) and incorporate more physical activity in our day-to-day life as a family! Eugene is signed up to run a half-marathon in a few months (AMAZING!)

Maybe next year I will try to muster up enough strength to decrease my liquid calories (creamy and sweet coffees + boba, you are my vice) and my spicy ramen intake... but one thing at a time yall.
 

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Progress report: Good!
 

6. Learn how to play the guitar and practice piano/ukulele
 

I've always wanted to learn how to play the guitar. Every year, something will motivate me (usually watching a movie, or a performance of some sort..) and I'll pick up Eugene's guitar and try and learn a few chords. I think I've attempted this every year for the last 6 years. It never lasted more than a day. However, this year we started incorporating family worship into our home life and it gave me a new motivation to learn. I commited this time - I paid $14.99 for the guitar "Tabs" app even though all my friends who played guitar told me it's not worth (LOL) and committed to practicing every week. I practiced enough to convince Eugene to let me buy my own (I wanted a smaller one!) so was able to buy a hand-me-down one from a dear friend and have been practicing a few times a week. I can play songs now! It's really exciting. I am still really bad at strumming and have to cut my nails every 4 days (IYKYK) but i'm so thankful for the opportunities to sing songs and worship God (both solo and with my family) as I continue to practice!
 

Everyone asks me how I have time to do this, but honestly it hasn't been too bad! I usually try to practice during my kids bath times, so I plop them in the tub and I bring my guitar in the bathroom with me (read: #acoustics) and I just sit on the toilet seat and practice my songs haha.
 

(look how cute my guitar is!)

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Progress Report: I can play C, G, F (sometimes), Am, Em and a few other chords aka I can play most worship songs but no promises that you will be able to sing in that key because its pretty low (LOL)
 

7. Go on a family trip! (Spend more quality time as a family!)
 

Growing up, I used to go on a lot of family trips. They didnt have to be fancy (we weren't making it rain, so we just kept it simple!) or extravagant or long - but my parents were always intentional about spending time as a family. by retreating away at any opportunity (read: MLK weekend, or any random holiday we had days off from school). Now as an adult with a family of my own, I see how these trips really helped to grow and nurture my relationship with my parents and siblings, even into adulthood and am so grateful for the memories that I share with them. Hoping to foster this, I asked Eugene if we could try to take at least one family trip this year!

We never really traveled as a family before kids because Eugene was always in school or working.. and we are both homebodies and Eugene is not a huge fan of traveling in general. However, he agreed and we were able to enjoy a lot of great quality time as a family this year!
 

Progress report: A+++

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family retreat with our church in Palm Springs!

Family trip to San Diego in July (and lots of trips to the Safari and Zoo!!)

 

Making fun memories, even at home! Cow day at CFA!


Big bear trip with my whole family
 (First time going on a trip with my parents + siblings since getting married 8 years ago!)
Asher and I went kayaking!



Fun weekend trip to SD with our friends!

8. Be better about budgeting!

This is also a resolution that shows up on my list every year. We've attempted to use multiple apps and websites and excel sheets to try and track our spending, but what this year we've come back to the first app we ever used as a married couple: YNAB (You Need a Budget)

Its been great but still learning how to spend less and spend smarter. I have more to say on this but it definitely needs its own post so stay tuned!
 

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I seriously CAN'T believe its almost September. This year is going by so fast and I know it will go by even faster once Asher starts school next week (*TEARS!!*)
 

Praying that all that I share and that my life as a whole (with resolutions or not) would magnify Christ above all.
 

<3

3 more months of 2019!

Cheers to finishing strong, to the glory of God!

Rest.

(disclaimer: the following post was a journal entry that I had penned for my personal viewing only but decided to make it public in case there were others struggling with something similar. due to my lack of time to read thru and edit - please excuse if something is unclear or if there are more gramatical errors than usual. this has been something on my heart for the last few weeks, so hoping that by sharing it i can encourage others who may be thinking thru somethign similar. this post was originally done in my DayOne journaling app for those who asked what app I use for journaling!) 

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The  ongoing theme for our Sunday sermons recently and the topics of my thoughts has been surrounding the idea and concept of “rest”. What is it really and what is its purpose? What is the source from which we should be seeking this “rest”? Is “rest” a means to an end or is it an “end” to which we ought to pursue?

In this season of my life as a mom of two active toddlers - “rest” is a foreign concept. A seemingly unattainable luxury. A past-time (ha!)

However, when I think about how “rest” is described in the Bible - i think most about Jesus. In His 3 years of earthly ministry,  He was always on the go. As evidenced by the gospel account from mark (which is what I’m currently reading through now), I see that Christ was often stretched (if that is such a thing for One who is fully man AND fully God). Though infinite and mighty as God Himself, in His humanity, even Christ needed rest. respite from his duties. He needed to recharge, re-fuel, re-energize. And yet, the way this is most often mentioned in His earthly accounts was that He would seperate Himself from the multitudes, and find a secluded place to pray to His Father. That was His source of rest. Because God Himself was His rest. He drew strength for the crowds, the miracles, the teachings, the miles walked (can’t forget that!) by reguarly communing with His Father and enjoying fellowship with Him. He prayed to God. Though we don’t know the content of all of His prayers - what we do know is that Christ always had His eyes, heart and mind fixed on what His Father’s will was and did all according to His good pleasure. Despite what was happening outwardly, Christ was always able to remain steadfast (and steady!) because His confidence, His strength, His purpose was always found in trusting in and entrusting Himself to His Father.

I often lack this type of fellowship with God.
For longer than I can remember, prayer has always been my weakest spiritual discipline. Whether my excuse may be lack of discipline, busyness, laziness or the sheer inability to sit down and have quiet uninterrupted moment to myself in this season of my life -- ultimately the reason of my lack of prayer is rooted in my unbelief. My lack of belief and faith in that God is there. that He is listening. that He is able. that He knows. that He understands. that He is able to guide and lead me in this or that confusing time when it seems more tangible to read a book about it or a blogpost or ask a friend. that He is able to strengthen me more than this nap or cup of coffee will. that He is able to aid me in my wrestling with sin. that He is able to soften hearts, open doors, use my mouth for His kingdom work. If I truly believed in all of these things with all my heart, then why would i not/HOW could I not pray. I would. Belief would lead to action. A life devoted to prayer is a by-product of faith and trust in a God who is able.

So let’s stop the excuses. Let’s lay down the reasons for why we can not or have not or do not. Let’s make cushion in our life to make this a priority. Let’s give things up to make it the most important thing.

If He is our true rest, not merely the source of or a means to, but the True and Only Rest we will find in this life - than may I seek it with all my heart. May I unarm these other means that I have put on pedestals for all my life (may it be coffee, or that extra 10 mins of sleep in the morning or that “much-needed” mid-day powernap or this/that luxury in the name of self-care) and let’s seek our true rest in Him, by seeking Him out in prayer. in laying our burdens at His feet. in “being overwhelmed by who He is rather than what we have to do today”.

I’m about to go on a night shift with no sleep right now. (I couldnt seem to fall asleep during the day today!) which means that by the time I am off tomorrow, I will have been awake for over 24 hours. There is a part of me that feels anxious thinking about how tonight with go with my lack of sleep (will I make a mistake? will I be able to last? will I feel like death?) but reminding myself of this today as I sit in a noisy starbucks 30-minutes before the start of my shift, downing my 2nd venti cold brew of the day and physically having palpitations due to the rapid infusion of caffiene my body just had to process -- I surprisingly feel at peace. I feel refreshed, even if not energized physically - i feel a kind of strength, joy and confidence that can not be explained by anything other than the fact that I have found my true rest in the only One who can grant it to me.

May He always be our resting place. May we draw strength from Him and Him alone and may all these things compel us to live for Him in all that we do. (in my case, staying awake these next 12 hours and taking care of my patients as excellently and joyfully as i can!)

passion week 2019

I finally managed to get my advent stuff down today (Christmas was almost 4 months ago....) in time to put up our stuff for Easter. After thinking about what to do for this year's passion week, I've finally narrowed it down to a couple of things to keep this week intentional in teaching Asher about the reason for this season. 

I love thematic things and parties and holidays and I am all for gimmicks (I'm kinda lame that way, lol!) so I am down for all the bunny pictures and egg hunts and egg painting fun! but I hope to also use this special week as an opportunity to teach Asher about this magnificent, glorious, amazingly loving way that God demonstrated His love for us in sending His Son to die on our behalf. Amidst the fun and fluff (haaaaa....), I want him to really understand what Easter is truly celebrating! 

A couple things our family will be doing this week:

1. "Story Alive" by The Littles and Me. I absolutely love everything that Ashley does and especially how this little resource brings bible stories to life and makes it easy to talk through it with little ones. I think Asher is still a little on the young range for thi, but it's been helpful in guiding me as to what kind of passages to read, what kind of questions to ask and what fun activities and crafts to incorporate to really bring these bible stories to life! Story alive is a growing curriculum, which means that Ashley is continuing to add to it. There are a handful of bible stories that are in this curriculum so far (including the Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Resurrection that I will be using..) but she is continuing to add to the curriculum so I'm so excited to see what other stories I'm going to be able to walk Asher through using this resource! 

2. Resurrection Eggs- You may or may not remember from last year, but I put together these no-cost, super-ghetto resurrection eggs to go through with Asher. It was so last minute so I didn't even have a normal egg carton to use! Asher was also younger so I wasn't sure if he would be able to sit through all 12 eggs. I modified it for his age and tweaked and personalized it to what I wanted to go through with him. We absolutely loved doing it with him last year. By the end of the week, he was able to recite what each of the eggs had inside and recount the entire passion week including Christ's death on the cross and His resurrection! He has been asking me all year long if we could do "Easter eggs" again and I'm so excited to go through it with him this year. 

Last year, a seasoned mom who now have grown kids passed down her personal (and legit) set of resurrection eggs to me after I showed her a pic of mine (LOL, I think she saw how ghetto it was). It was such a gracious gift and I am so so thankful to be using this one in lieu of my ghetto one. PSA: Ghetto one is equally effective IMHO!

the list and resurrection eggs signage is from the "Story Alive" resource. The cards I found on google somewhere (can't seem to find it..) and the resurrection eggs you can make for cheap/free or you can purchase one online like this one here.

3. Resurrection rolls - We are prob gonna be doing this a few times this weekend (mainly because we need to use up our crescent rolls!), but if you haven't heard of resurrection rolls yet - you must try it (....with us...this year...because... I have personally not tried it but it sounds cool! lol!) It's a fun treat and cool activity in one. Essentially, its a way to demonstrate that Jesus (marshmallow) went into the tomb (crescent dough), but that after 3 days (baked in the oven) He resurrected and the tomb was empty (crescent roll with no marshmallow inside/melted!)! I know my kids will LOVE doing this activity (because hello-opportunity-to-help-in-kitchen-and-sugar-and-cinnamon-and-CARBS) so I'll try to post pics when we get around to doing it! But for now, enjoy this beautiful and glorious photo of baked resurrection rolls from A Pinch of Joy as an example. I mean, C'MON! I can smell the cinnamon.

(TBH my crescent rolls expired a few days ago, but its okay. I'll just bake it for a few mins longer. If you don't hear from us we prob all got food poisoning, in that case  - please mail us a box of pedialyte pops.) 

4. The last and most significant and precious (to me) thing that we are gonna be doing this year is having Asher draw out each day of the passion week. During passion week (or as some call "Holy Week") we remember what Christ did in his earthly life in the final days leading up to His crucifixion (death on the cross). There are passages you can read everyday (see image below) to follow along what happened on each day. As I read and recount to Asher what Jesus did, I'm having him draw a picture (or any # of things that he wants to draw) that we can post inside our home to look at throughout the week. 

 

(thanks BMC for these helpful resources!)

Sunday- https://vimeo.com/89013208
Monday- https://vimeo.com/89117797
Tuesday- https://vimeo.com/89651201
Wednesday- https://vimeo.com/89420035
Thursday- https://vimeo.com/89420081
Friday- https://vimeo.com/89429101
Saturday- https://vimeo.com/89436644
Sunday- https://vimeo.com/89509380

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This was our first post for Palm Sunday. 

Asher drew Jesus (for some reason with a very large clown nose), the palm branches, the donkey that he sat on, and the purple cloaks on the floor. When I asked him what he drew, he said "Jesus is riding a donkey like a king!"

As young as these kiddos may be, I'm learning that any and every effort that we put into teaching them these things is never wasted. I'm praying that as we try to spend this week (and every week for that matter) being intentional and purposeful in teaching our kids about Who God is and the amazing love He showed us in Christ - I'm praying with faith that these seemingly mundane, silly and simple efforts will somehow, in some way, some day be used by God to plant seeds of faith in their hearts so that they too would come to the saving knowledge of Christ. 

sometimes I dismiss how much these little kiddies understand and absorb at this age. but just yesterday, after a more-than-usual difficult day of tantrums and meltdowns and time outs for hitting/pushing/snatching toys away and screaming... Asher asked me to pray for him that he would have self control.  Even though it was nothing profound, the fact that he was able to recognize his need for help reminded me that all of these little efforts are valuable; valuable and instrumental in teaching him that there is no good that we can do on our own. that we are sinners who are dead in our sins, in need of a Savior because we cannot save ourselves. and that God in His great love and mercy, made a way for us to be reconciled to Him and to have a new life - free from the power and penalty of sin.  praying that every simple, silly, mundane and seemingly meaningless moment and effort would be redeemed for His glory! 

cheers to a blessed week remembering and celebrating.

reminders from my 3 year old...

I recently scored some used boardgames for about $1 a piece and I've been slowly building my game stash in preparation for future family game nights with our kids. since then, Asher has been wanting to play them nonstop (which has been loads of fun!) but today was a super long, tiring, emotionally draining, I-cant-wait-til-the-kids-go-down kind of day. Asher begged to play a couple of rounds of Zingo before going to bed and I half-begrudgingly obliged...

I looked at the clock, and it was already 40 minutes past their usual bedtime. Everything was delayed tonight - mostly because of how slow-going I was in getting their bedtime routine in motion. I was hoping to make it a quick game sesh and told him that we would be only playing TWO rounds, which he cheerfully agreed to. Before starting the game, you have to place each of the yellow picture word chips into this red contraption. To my relief, sharon-in-the-past so thoughtfully arranged all said yellow pieces inside so that future-sharon would be spared a few extra minutes of prep before the game (Yay, Sharon in the past! *high-five-to-self*) A couple of pieces had fallen out (4 to be exact), so I opened up the contraption to the put the 4 pieces inside so that we could begin the game.

Then, my beautiful, wonderful, thoughtful, kind, a tad bit overly excited and brilliant son turned the entire red contraption around and spilled ALL 72 yellow chips onto the mat, to which I let out an audible GASP and then a very-intentional-and-(if I'm being honest) immature GROAN. 

"UGGGGGGGH ASHER. Why did you do that...... we didn't have to do that. We could have just put the four pieces in. WHY DID U DO THAT. SIGH SIGH SIGH HEAVY SIGH" (glance at the clock) "TELL ME, WHY. NOW WE CAN ONLY PLAY ONE GAME. WE HAVE NO TIME. SEE, NOW WE HAVE NO TIME." 

(please understand, this is quite embarrassing for me to replay - and even moreso to pen down for all of the world to see this private and secret moment of sinfulness and immaturity on my part. but. just keeping it real..)

He just looked at me with a blank stare and a slight pout and said. "I'm sorry mommy.."

I asked him a couple more times why he did what he did. Mostly because I truly wanted to understand his thought process of why he thought he needed to do that, but then I remembered. He's 3. (LOL) So I explained that I understood that I knew that he was just excited but that next time, he didn't have to do that - to which, he cheerfully replied "OK! I won't do it again!" 

As we were slowly putting all 72 to chips (haaaaa... still a teeny bit bitter) into the contraption, by God's grace and to His credit alone I was able to see this as an opportunity to talk to my sweet, innocent, beautiful 3 year old about something deeper.

"Mommy, sorry. Sorry! I won't do it again"

"It's okay Asher! 

Even if you make a mistake or do something wrong, 

mommy is always going to love you! Do you know that?"

"Yes"

"It's like God's love for us. 

Sometimes we make mistakes, and do wrong things 

and disobey but God still loves us and 

forgives us if we ask Him to. Even if we sin..."

"Mommy! because Jesus died on the cross for our sins."

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#DEAD. 

I literally froze and welled (is this the right grammar?) up in my eyes and heart and held him close and kissed his face 100 times.   After the squeezes and hugs and giggles, I confessed my own sin to Asher.

 (He was confused, lol.. I apologized and he replied with "sorry" LOL) I explained the sin of my frustration and how I had outwardly expressed it because I was tired and upset. I confessed to my lack of self control. 

I can imagine how this will be harder to do when he is a teen who is looking at me smug with arms crossed, waiting in expectation while he stands chin-up self-righteous (I pray not...) but at the tender and sweet age of 3, it was easy and a good opportunity for me to practice what I hope to be a regular thing in our family: being able to humbly confess our sin to one another and ask for forgiveness, regardless of age, "hierarchy", maturity or circumstance. As I confessed my own sin and asked Him for forgiveness, it paved way to talk once again about the Savior that God, in His love for us, sent so that we could be reconciled to Him. The Savior who cleanses us from our sins so that we could have access to God. The One who secures our place, our standing, our hope.

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I am well-aware that at this point in time (Asher being 3), all he has are words and all he is (probably) able to do is regurgitate the things he hears. However,  I truly believe that these are seeds. And, oh what beautiful seeds! These are not mere words but truth that is living and active and that has power to save. power to bring death to new life. power to cut through bone and marrow and judge the thoughts and intentions of hearts. (Hebrews 4:12) These are powerful, mighty, glorious seeds and what an absolute honor and privilege it is each day to be able to steward these young hearts and to be able to impart and plant these small but mighty seeds. There is much opportunity. This is a glorious task. May I have the eyes of faith to see and seize every opportunity to labor in the harvest of their hearts and trust by faith that He will do the growth.

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 After the conversation, we played our two rounds of Zingo (he won both rounds..and I didn't even let him go easy lol) we read our books and went to bed. What started off as an overwhelming and chaotic day for a exacerbated hot mess of a mom (read: me)...God redeemed to remind me to see His hand, His purpose and His plan in the midst of the hustle bustle. In His love and care for me, He granted me an opportunity to pause (read: unexpected spilling of zingo chips) which led to a sweet and sovereignly orchestrated moment with my firstborn (read: sharing about sin, and Christ in the midst of putting said chips back in place) which ultimately has left me refreshed, renewed and re-energized for the task before me. 

He truly is a good, good Father. What a glorious Savior.

To Him be the glory.

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit.." 1 Peter 3:18

 Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)