confessions of a servant.

I know there are a lot of tough jobs out there in the world, but I would offer an argument that my job is pretty dang hard sometimes. My job is a people job. We do not ruffle through papers or stare at a computer screens all day (which, in my opinion, is the harder thing to do sometimes!) but we deal with real lives, real people, real families. We do our best to take care of people who are sick to the best of our ability - to think critically, to assess meticulously, to tend to their ailments wholeheartedly, and to give our love relentlessly. This is no small feat.

Often, my skills are tested. My ability, challenged. My decisions, questioned. To patients, families and doctors alike - I'm constantly having to prove myself. We give, give, give - hoping that what we hold in our hands will suffice. We do our best, and go home trying to find peace with it. However, I confess that sometimes - more than taking care of a critically ill patient and being obligated to fulfill the trillion tasks that are required... the hardest part of my job is serving people who are hard to serve. Loving people who are hard to love. Showing patience to people who shout in my face and treat me with disrespect. Showing grace to people who feel entitled and have no regard for those who may need more attention and time than they. "I don't care if you have other patients. Come when I tell you to come." A lot of times I'm not sure how to respond.

There are patients that I have that are easy to love. Easy to serve. They are patients that I long so much to go above and beyond for, people I want to fight for, people for whom I'd do anything to make their day. I once had a lovely patient who was so sweet and kind, and despite the wretched diagnosis she received -she carried herself with such grace and class. She was selfless. She desired so much to know about me and my life and my day - than using her unfortunate circumstance to rain on other parades. In the near end of my day with her - she said that all she wanted was a mocha frappacino. A girl who knows my heart. Despite the fact that she was on a restricted diet, I convinced the doctor to make an exception and we enjoyed frapaccinos together that afternoon- talking about love and life and the joy we find in every day things. Days like that make it so easy to love my job.

However, there are others who will tell me all day how incompetent I am. Who will trump anything and everything I say. Who will refuse to get out of showers until I shampoo and condition their hair for 15 minutes each and who simply "don't care about the other patients in this hospital". There are those who complain that their ice water has not been changed in the last hour or who will be upset that I didn't let them blow dry their hair. We joke sometimes by saying "I'm your nurse, not your slave" or that "the H on this building his Hospital, not Hotel" - and it's easy to grow frustrated and bitter.

God is teaching me that there will always be hard people and hard circumstances. I cannot control these things, nor can I choose to ignore them when they come. I'm learning to simply trust that every single patient, family member and circumstance that comes into my life is something that God purposefully and sovereignly has placed. I'm learning every day that every difficult situation and every mean + scary + disrespectful patient that I am entrusted to tend to has been given to me by my  infinitely Wise, infinitely Loving, infinitely Sovereign Father. I'm learning that my calling every day that I'm at work is not merely to have a career or to do a good job - but that ultimately I am called to love and care for my patients in such a way that Christ is seen in me; that the way I love and the way I care, that Christ be magnified and exalted. I know that when God gives me hard patients and families to care for, that He is sharpening within me the ability to love and care in such a way that is not natural to me. I know that it is Christ's example of unconditional, sacrificial and self-giving love  towards me that will compel me to love in that way also. I am definitely flawed in this. I complain a lot. and get frustrated easily.. but every day I'm learning the depth of Christ's love for me as I experience just how hard this love really is. 

I'm praying that I will continuously be strengthened and empowered to show this kind of love; that I will be able to pour out my life to others as a sacrifice...as a servant before men, "for Christ's sake" and that His name be known and His love shown through me. 

"for what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord -
with ourselves as your servants, for Jesus' sake."
 -2 Corinthians 4:5-

{Recipe} Shrimp + Veggie Spring Rolls

This will probably be my most colorful post yet! 

I was tempted to call these rainbow spring rolls. These were so fun to make and really yummy, too! Eugene is currently in a nutrition class and asked me to make bite-sized portions of a nutritious meal for a potluck he was having in class. We decided to make spring rolls - it was the easiest way to pack in all the fun and tasty vegetables that we wanted to include. This is so easy to prep and I'm excited to make them again for dinner sometime. There are so many different pops of flavor in each bite - I'm sure eating a full dinner portion of these spring rolls would be delicious from start to finish!

First you prep all your ingredients. A lot of washing + chopping, grilling, steaming. :)

Use a moist wash cloth over a plate as your base. It will prevent the spring roll skins from sticking to the plate and make it easier to handle. Align all the veggies out and line up your shrimp a little ways away from the veggie pile. You wanna roll these up last. 

Tuck em' in real. Keep em cozy. DON'T GO CRAZY.

Roll it in whilst tucking in the sides to ensure that it's nice and tight. 

Cut it in half so that all your friends can see how pretty the insides are. The avocado part is my fave. I'm definitely gonna make it thicker next time ;)

Enjoy immediately, if possible. If you must, must, must make them the night before, lay them on top of a moist (not wet) towel and line them up. Make sure they don't touch each other or it will get stuck together! I used little pieces of moist paper towels and put it in between each spring roll. They came out soggy the day after (so sad!) so if possible - eat em' right away. Trust me! 

Eugene and I are trying to eat more fruits and veggies in our life.
We can always use another reminder or two. :)

Shrimp + Veggie Spring Rolls
Makes 20

20 sheets of dry rice paper 
1 red bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 orange bell pepper
1 bunch cilantro
2 cups of shrimp
1 large cucumber
1 large squash
2 carrots
1 avocado

prep
Thinly slice bell peppers, carrots, cucumbers, squash and carrots. Toast carrots and squash separately in EVOO with garlic powder, s+p to taste. Cook shrimp (either fry in EVOO or steam) and set aside. Roughly chop cilantro. Thinly slice avocado.

arrange 
Set aside a large bowl of slightly warmed water. Dip each sheet of dry rice paper in water for a few seconds. The rice paper will still be a little hard, but will soften up in a few seconds! Set on a moist towel and arrange all vegetables. Align shrimp apart from the vegetables (away from you). Fold rice paper towards the center and roll away from you whilst tucking in the sides. Enjoy immediately. Use srirarcha or fish sauce, if desired.

In sickness and in health

School started two weeks ago and it's been going full speed from day 1. 

Eugene has been super busy (as expected), working late nights and leaving home early to get to school by 8am! He hasn't been getting much sleep and with all the recent weather changes that've been going on - it finally caught up to him. He got a really, really bad case of the cold/flu this weekend.

Eugene is one of the toughest people I know. In our (almost) 5 years together, I've only seen him sick one other time. He has never called out sick before - even if he doesn't get an hour of sleep at night, he will go to class and work a full shift at night until 10 or 11pm. He's crazy! He was running fevers of 100-102 degrees all weekend. We let the fever ride itself out the first few days - but by the 3rd day we were doing cool cloths and trying to drown it out with lots of water and tylenol. It's definitely at it's tail end of it now - but then I caught it yesterday! Boo.

Our home has been a cozy safe haven for us while we've been battling this yucky bug. Our apartment has been so hot (!!!) and we've been drinking a lot of water. Eugene had a midterm yesterday - so despite his sickness he had to power through and study all day/all night.  We had to wake up a few times every night to replace the cold compresses and take some sips of water + tylenol. I felt like we had a newborn or something! 

Having a wife for a nurse means that your temperature will be taken every 5 minutes. Hahaha :)

We tried to eat a lot of soupy things this weekend. I made a huge batch of chicken soup and it was perfect in keeping us nice and warm. I added some ginger too, and it gave the soup the perfect zing!

Eugene's favorite Korean food is sulungtang (설렁탕). He will randomly crave it and ask to go out and eat it but when he is sick - this is his main comfort food. We had a retreat at church this weekend that he wasn't able to attend - but of course I had to make a pit stop and get him some soup on my way home!

He loved it so much that he requested that we get it again the next day. I didn't mind! 

There were countless times during the night when I would wake up because I was worried about Eugene. I would see him sweating under his hood, yet shivering and being so uncomfortable.  It was so heart-breaking!

Being sick is really sobering.

It has been reminding us that we are dependent creatures and that though our physical strength may fail at times, it is ultimately God who strengthens us to do all things. I also thought about how often we take our health for granted - and how even at times, we tend to idolize health to the point that our joy is reliant on it. Our health is such a huge blessing and I'm learning to be thankful for it every day. However, this little case of the flu caused me to reflect and wonder if my joy would really be secure in Christ and if I could find peace in His sovereignty even if something happened to our health.

I found Ian & Larissa's blog shortly after Ian had his accident (almost 7-8 years ago!) - when Larissa just created a blog to ask people to pray. God has used their story and their marriage to really magnify the gospel and put it on display. They have demonstrated to me what it means to fully trust and depend on God in the darkest of times and to really love with the unconditional, sacrificial love Christ has shown in the gospel. // Here's more on their story. 

{Recipe} Oxtail Pho

Have you guys ever tried making anything with oxtail? Say like....soup? 

ITS PRETTY FANTASTIC.

I'd have to say it's one of the most exhilarating and thrilling experiences ever. Besides the fact that you have to wait for it to cook for 6-10 hours (w o m p   w o m p)- you are arguing and fighting with yourself the whole dang time and it gets exhausting. Wait - is this drying up the meat? OMG THE MEAT IS GETTING DRY. The heat is too hot. Oh no - the simmering stopped, turn the heat! Wait a minute, is this broth even clean? Wait, am I overcooking this? Is this done? Should I cook it more? Is this fat or is this normal? Wait. What? 

It's crazy. 

But worth it. 

Eugene and I found a perfect little pho place in Artesia that has easily become our go-to pho joint. They have crazy big portions (I rarely ever finish my bowl) and they have oxtail pho (what?!) I'd never even heard of using oxtail for pho until I came here. Let it be known that we were completely mind. blown. when we first tasted this magical combo. The rich (but light) soup paired perfectly with the rice noodles, fresh lime, onions + cilantro....and, who can hate oxtail meat? It's fall-off-the-bone-AMAZING. So of course, I had to make it at home. (plus, I have 5lbs of pho noodles in my fridge. oops. hehe)

Making pho at home is very overwhelming for me. The only other time I attempted to make pho was when I made Chicken Pho earlier this year. Whenever I make pho - I feel a lot of pressure to do it right and to find a recipe that I can really make my own. It's my favorite food anyway! I find that the key to making authentic pho is really in the broth. It's all about roasting and toasting the bones/"aromatics". I personally love using large onions, garlic and GINGER. Then you boil em until your whole house is covered in glorious "PHOG" (pho + fog, haha - i'm sorry). A little bit of fish sauce brings all the flavors out in the end.

Your meat is most likely always going to be perfect if you give it at least 6 hours. I barely used a fork to peel it off the bones! Then you add your essentials. Then you let the hot, hot soup do it's thang.

Don't forget the hot sauce. Any kind will do. :)

Oxtail Pho 

Makes 2 (large) or 4 (regular-sized) bowls

for the broth

3-lbs oxtail

2 onions, halved 

3-inch ginger, peeled and cut in pieces

6 cloves garlic

1 packet of pho soup filter bag (like the one I used before)

6 quarts of water

fish sauce to taste.

for topping

pho noodles

green onions

jalopenos

cilantro

lime

bean sprouts

hot sauce (optional)

Soak oxtail in water for 1 hour to remove all excess fat and bone fragments. Drain water and clean oxtail. Broil onion, garlic and ginger for 20 minutes until charred. Boil water in a large pot and add oxtail and charred onions, garlic, ginger. Cook in high heat until it comes to a boil, then lower heat to low-med heat and allow water to simmer. Simmer broth for 6-10 hours, occasionally removing fat that surfaces with a small spoon or a fine mesh strainer covered with a cheese cloth.

After broth is finished, pour broth into a large bowl over a colander and discard onions, garlic and ginger pieces. Put oxtail aside and remove bones; shred into bite-sized pieces.  Add fish sauce to broth, to taste. Blanch noodles in boiling water for 1 minute, or until al dente. Arrange in a bowl with toppings, as desired. Pour soup over and top with chopped green onions and cilantro. Enjoy immediately.

enjoy every season // days like today

11. Mornings to sleep in and recover/stock up sleep for the rest of the week. 

12. The fact that its okay when there's still laundry piled on the couch that needs folding and dishes in the sink that need washing - but that he loves me just the same. 

13. Days off which means late morning brunch + coffee getaways. (Thank you, Labor day!) This veggie breakfast wrap was AMAZE. Eggs, grilled veggies and exxxxxtra avocado. :)

14. Spotify playlist on. like. ALL. DAY. ERR. DAY.

15. Too many errands to do, but have a random itch to practice some calligraphy? This is my favorite kind of multi-tasking. :) I am sucha newb (+ weirdo!)

16. My reflexes are getting faster. I killed 8 fruit flies in a 45 second period today. That moment was gold. I was so proud of myself. Those fruit flies have nothing on me! 

17. Finally having a full day off to attempt oxtail pho at home. Only took 6 hours :) Cooking with oxtail is always an adventure. Recipe on the blog this week!

18. My responsibilities as Eugene's wife (pharmacy school edition) is back. I am, once again, the nap-waker-upper, motivational snack provider and "stop-playing-with-the-iPad-and-get-back-to-work" accountability partner. It's only been one week but it's lovely.

19. Fun adventures and extravaganzas to try to figure out how to pack make-ahead spring rolls that won't dry out or become too soggy overnight. Keeping my fingers crossed that these still stay fresh til tomorrow at 3pm. please, oh please! (The key is damp towels and wet paper towels in between each spring roll, apparently. I guess we'll find out tomorrow!) These spring rolls are amazing by the way - recipe on the blog this week, too!

20. Eugene had to urge me to pick a place for dessert tonight. He insisted. I never thought I'd have to be urged! We chose a nearby tea shop and picked up this nice "captn' crunch" macaron ice cream sandwich. It was amazing. Ended the day with a happy heart (+ tummy).

Always so much to be thankful for.
Starting a long stretch of work tomorrow - pretty excited!

xoxo