So about a month ago I started a new (second) job for a home health hospice company.
Hospice is a type of care and philosophy of care that focuses on symptom-management (palliative) for patients who are terminally ill. Generally, my patients are usually people who have either been given less than 6 months to live, or decided to no longer pursue aggressive medical treatment. As a home health hospice nurse - my job is to visit patients in their homes (wherever they live: home, nursing home, board and care, etc) and ensure that they are comfortable and all their symptoms are managed. One responsibility I also have is to answer "death calls" and visit people's homes after they've passed - as the hospice nurse, I have to ensure there are no longer signs of life, "pronounce" them, perform post-mortem care and make arrangements for the mortuary to pick up the body. (To be honest -- this is the only part of my job that I am a little fearful of. I haven't done one of these death calls yet!)
Whenever I tell people that this is what my new job entails - they get super freaked out and ask/say:
"Why would you want to do something like that?"
"That must be so depressing."
"Doesn't that make you feel depressed?"
"How do you cope with that? That's so morbid"
"I would never be able to do something like that. Dead people. Ugh. Gross!"
(image from: google)
I've received a variety of different responses - but little does everyone know, it has always been a goal of mine to be involved with hospice.
In nursing school, I worked as a nursing assistant during the night shift to get more bedside experience before diving into the mysterious world of nursing. What I learned during that year and a half of answering call lights, assisting with bed pans and getting myself elbow-deep in diarrhea was that I had no idea what exactly I was getting myself into. I had never had anybody in my immediate family hospitalized before, and I actually have never had someone in my family pass away. The idea and reality of death had never been something I had to experience - and I realized in my maroon-scrubbed, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, racoon-eyed experience was that I was a true newbie when it came to death. It was on one of my night shifts as a nursing assistant that I witnessed my first patient die. To this day, I still remember the utter horror I felt and the absolute disbelief I was in after my patient died. I had given her a bed bath and done catheter care for her earlier that night - she had some trouble catching her breath in between her soft-spoken words and had requested some breathing treatments throughout the night - but this was nothing out of the ordinary for her. And then, just like that she was gone. I remember her husband coming out to the nurses' station, beckoning us to come and check up on his wife. "Something's not right," he said. The next thing I remember is standing above her cold, lifeless body learning how to perform post-mortem care. As we were cleaning her body and preparing it for the morgue - all I remember is not knowing what to say. I was completely speechless for hours. I watched the husband quietly weep as he packed up his things to go home. He thanked us, picked up his things, took one last glance at his wife and left. Speechless. My mind was blank. I was so freaked out. That experience taught me that I had absolutely no idea what to do/say/react/respond to people who are dealing with death or the idea of dying.
That next week I signed up to become a hospice volunteer and it was the best decision ever!
I was paired with a few handful of hospice patients at a time and I visited them weekly until they passed. When my patients would pass, I would simply get assigned to another patient. During these visits, I was able to casually build relationships with people who knew they were dying. I got to learn how to talk to people about death, and allowed them to share their stories. Volunteering for hospice taught me that hospice is not about death and dying, but about "helping them to live to the fullest until their very last moment".
As a hospice nurse, I have the unique opportunity to manage and oversee the care for these types of patients. It's truly a unique honor to be invited into the lives of those are so acutely aware of how limited their time on earth is. There is something so sobering about death. When death is near, all the frivolous and meaningless things in life are set aside and the truly important and valuable things come to the forefront. There is a greater sense of urgency to tie loose ends, reconcile broken relationships and to really find the "purpose of life". Everyone becomes more spiritual, regardless of how agnostic/unbelieving they were during their adult lives.
This job is a lot harder than I anticipated. I drive 80-100 miles a day, getting from house-to-house. Sometimes the families require a lot of consolation that I'm not always sure how to provide. You don't get a lot of resources when you're in home health - (i.e. where is my clean utility room? and my IV start kit? my Aspira drainage bags? My XR machines to confirm tube placement?) But regardless of how challenging its been to adjust to this new role - I'm learning to find joy and purpose of every patient encounter I have.
I'm praying that every visit I make - that I do so with purpose and with an unwaivering desire to give excellent care. I'm praying that I would grow a genuine sense of love and compassion for the patients and their families - that I would not merely check in and out but really desire to care for them as my own. I'm praying that this "may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ". I pray that the hope that can only be found in Christ be magnified through me as I build relationships with my patients and that they would be able to receive a sense of peace that is not of this world. I'm praying that God would use me to be a blessing to these people, and that I would really be able to love them, serve them and care for them in such a way that would bring Christ glory.
Please pray for me!
Love,
a new(bie) hospice nurse who really wants to honor Jesus.
:)
xoxo
