so I am 98.5% sure that our breastfeeding journey has come to an end.
1 year and 1 month! so thankful that we were able to make it this long.
for the last 2-3 days, asher has pretty much refused to nurse altogether and has been borderline hurting my feelings with his back-arching/screaming, grossed-out facial expressions and gagging at every offer (*sob*) it's bittersweet but i can't help but look back and just feel thankful for the journey that we were able to venture together.
incidently, I came across this pink sheet while cleaning today. it was the form the hospital gave me to keep track of when/how long asher ate, when he pooped/peed. it was the record of his first 3 days. I chuckled as i saw how we had documented even his 1-minute sessions when we didn't know what we were doing. and the 65 minute sessions when we still didn't know what we were doing. it filled me with all kinds of nostalgia seeing that we had once had to nurse our babe every 30, 40, 60 minutes -- and now he is an (almost, but not really but practically but not yet) independent toddler who no longer needs 'mah-mah'. I'm gonna miss the cuddles.
finding this pink sheet and thinking about this last year has made me realize (once again!) that I really just need to pause and enjoy everything. even the hard things. even the tiring things. even the super mundane and tedious and sometimes miserable things. all those things are so precious and fleeting, and i realize that if i don't just take a moment to pause and appreciate and enjoy all the little things, i'll end up missing out on the joy of remembering these sacred little moments I got to share with my little guy. 1-minute to 1+ hour nursing sessions and all. at the moment, my current "things" are the beginning signs of toddler tantrumhood, learning how to patiently/lovingly/graicously correct and discipline, to try to push him to drink more water (so exhausting! why does he hate drinking things?), and naps that are cut short by who knows what! these things are in no way fun, or delightful or preferable - but they are our 'things' and I hope I can learn to persevere through them with joy and a heart of gratitude for my little guy.
it all goes too fast.
