avery's birth story

a week ago today, we welcomed our little baby girl into the world. how has it been a week already?

though an entire 7 days have gone by - it really feels like yesterday that it all happened. when asher was born, I wrote out the details of our birth story to help me remember the craziness of our first L&D experience - and I was always so glad that I did! so I decided to do the same for baby girl before the details get too fuzzy!

as you may or may not know, I was actually scheduled to have a c-section on that following monday (hence, the very specific count-downs I had been doing on my blog.) we were busy checking things off of our to-do list and were excited for a quiet weekend at home and a date night on sunday before her grand arrival on monday at 12pm. the friday before, I spoke to the L&D nurse via phone and did all of my pre-surgical questionaires. that day was like any other day - play date and small group meet up in the morning, a quick family dinner (fridays are family days!) at panda express and our first bible study. at bible study, I felt really achy and a little "funny" and had a gut feeling that she was gonna come soon. as I was leaving bible study, I told multiple people that I was feeling a little weird.

when Eugene left for his night shift that night, I joked with him and told him to pray that she doesn't come that day. I really felt so funny but couldn't explain why! that night, I couldn't even tidy up or do the dishes before going to bed because I just felt so beat. I lounged in bed for a few hours, and ended the night by taking some belly photos as I realized that I only had a few more days with my belly!

 I went to bed around 1:00 am and before I even fell asleep, I felt a little trickle....

 I wondered if I had accidently peed myself or if it was actually my water breaking. very slowly I stood up and made my way to the bathroom -- it kept leaking! and when I finally sat on the toilet, I felt a huge gush! (can you tell i'm a nurse? my medical terminology is just so on point.) at this point, I am low-key freaking out, trying to call Eugene at work and realizing that I don't have his work phone number. I call the hospital and after getting transferred like 6 times, I finally reach Eugene and let him know that my water broke! Thankfully I had already been texting with a few friends and ask them for help! (CJ came immediately to help take me to the hospital and Sam brought Jen to sleepover & housesit for me so that we could leave Asher at home -- thank you guys!!!!)

I got to the hospital and immediately got triaged. As I was getting tucked in, the nurse asked me why I was getting another c-section and why I wasn't trying for a VBAC. I explained that I had a c-section with my first pregnancy and though I wanted to try for a v-bac, my doctor didn't really want me to. she could sense that I really wanted to try for a VBAC so when my doctor called, she convinced him to let me and I was SO HAPPY. Here I am, swollen and beat and all but so happy signing my VBAC consent. (thanks for taking a picture of this monumental event, CJ!)

  

After signing my consent, the nurse checked me and we found out that I was already 3cm dilated! My water was also nonstop leaking at this point and I was already starting to have regular contractions! (which is so different than my first time: water leaking, but no contractions and not dilated at all. It took almost a whole day on the MAX dose of pitocin to get me to 2cm dilated.. so I was so excited how quickly I was progressing!) 

2:30 AM We got sent to L&D so that I could get settled in my room and wait for baby! 

3:00 AM my parents arrived and they put internal monitors in me to monitor my contractions and baby's heartrate. Since I was a VBAC, my doctor wanted everything to be monitored very carefully and for my labor to progress as slowly and safely as possible. My parents arrived to the hospital! 

4:00 AM Eugene was thankfully able to get someone to cover for him at work (in the middle of the night, too! thanks michael!) so he stopped by home to get a few things and then finally came to the hospital!

5:30 AM My contractions were getting stronger and stronger so I asked for the epidural and then entered into happy land once again. Honestly the epidural is the best thing in the world. After getting the epidural, we were able to rest so we got to sleep a little.

I was getting so swollen from the pitocin but I was SO happy from my epidural. All was well.

  

6:30 AM Got checked again and realized that I was 5cm dilated! The baby's head was still not really engaged (-2) so they decided that they would start me on some pitocin to help get things moving.

7:30 AM The new shift started and I got started on pitocin! It was crazy to think that the baby was gonna be coming that day!

9:30 AM Progressing more and more. 7cm dilated, 90% effaced and baby's head was slowly coming down (-1). At this point, they started messing with my pitocin because I was progressing a little too quickly than my doctor liked. I was constantly getting my legs and hips repositioned to help assist with the baby's head coming down - but everything was looking good!  For the next few hours, it was just adjusting the pitocin doses, doing constant position changes and checking my progress. Eugene and I were a little freaked out about the fact that I was actually gonna be able to maybe push this baby out. Since we had known that we were gonna have a scheduled c-section for most of our pregnancy, we had no idea what we were supposed to do (lol!) Eugene kept asking the nurse, "so, am I supposed to do something when this happens? where do I stand? what's my job?" and I was clueless as to what to expect, how to do controlled breathing, etc. I hadn't even been doing my kegels or anything - yipes! but we were just told that we would learn as we go and just to rest.

 

12:00 PM Yay! I was completely dilated and effaced and baby's head was DOWN! We had never gotten to this point with Asher so I was ECSTATIC! (With asher, I only dilated to 8/9cm and his head never really fully engaged - stayed at 0) She told us that she would let us wait another hour for my contractions to help progress me more and that we would push. She told us to get as much rest as we could so that we could tank up energy for all the pushing but - HOW?! we were freaking out and so excited to meet our baby girl. OMG OMG OMG.

1:00 PM the nurse came in to get the room ready and some volunteer girl came too. All through my pregnancy, people asked me if I would let a volunteer or a nursing student sit in on my delivery and look at all my junk when the party is going on. I never really knew if I would or not. Having been a nursing student myself, I knew how invaluable that kind of first-hand experience was - but I wasn't sure how comfortable I would feel. Not sure if it was the adrenaline/excitement of the baby coming or the epidural talking, but I was 100% okay with it and she got to watch my entire delivery. front and center, too (yipes. sorry not sorry?) 

 My body had done a lot of the work by the time pushing started - so I actually only pushed for about 30 minutes and then baby was out! It was a crazy experience!

It was all the more surreal and emotionally overwhelming because I never thought I would get to experience this kind of delivery. The moment I felt her head pop out, and eventually seeing her body spring forth from my body was equally strange and wildly emotional. I couldn't stop sobbing.  

Around halfway through my pregnancy, my doctor told me that he wanted me to do a c-section (this caught me by surprise because it was different from what we discussed when I first got pregnant!). I wasn't really given much of a choice and it took me a while to process the news. Having a second c-section meant that I would have to accept the limitations that came with it (never being able to experience a natural delivery and only being able to have 3 kids max). many of my friends knew what a process it was for me to be able to come to terms with this news and really surrender it up to the Lord. I didn't want to lose sight of what an absolute miracle it was that we were able to conceive again (after struggling to conceive for 2 years with asher) and I didn't want to lose sight of all that I had to be grateful for! With God's gracious help and and to his credit alone - I was able to really find peace with it and always joked "if it's God's will for me to have a VBAC, I will!" 

and you guys. 

I DID! and it was awesome.

being in the hospital this time around was different because we had a little one at home. Eugene went home every night to bathe asher and put him to bed so I spent a lot of time at the hospital alone. Initially I thought it would make me a little sad, but it was actually not too bad. I found ways to keep myself busy and loved having some quiet one-on-one time with my little girl.

I really wanted Asher to come meet the baby at the hospital  (so that we don't just bring her home and he freaks out wondering where she came from) and I was anxious about how he would respond. All throughout my pregnancy, he would point at my belly saying "baby" and in the last week or so before baby was born he learned her name and it was the cutest thing! I knew that he was a little young to understand fully what this new baby would do to his life and to our family dynamic - but their initial meeting was just so sweet and made me so emotional. 

And just like that, we are now a family of FOUR!

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I made a short video documenting our adventure of bringing Avery into the world.

thanks for celebrating with us! 

so excited for the many fun and crazy times ahead. 

xoxo

give thanks / 6 days old

- 1.5 hour stretches of sleep at night (and the rare but occasional 3 hr stretch - bless up!)

- sweet friends who deliver delicious food for us (by hand or post mates!) so blessed!

- being able to do small simple chores around the house that help bring some nnormalacy back to our days (ie being able to make an Instapot dinner, or folding laundry in front of the tv!)

- spotify playlists that keep our home full of sound and my heart and mind focused on Him

- middle of the night feedings, though not my ultimate fave provide opportunity to read blogs (via my Feedly app!), cuddle baby in the face and pray 

- sibling love: is there anything sweeter?

- amazing husband slash baby daddy who takes care of asher in the morning so I can sleep in, washes dishes and takes toddler outside multiple times a day 

- the donut pillow 

- the convenience that is Keurig 

- friends who can play with and keep asher happy and entertained 

- the way baby A sleeps, so girly and cute! 

- the fact that she sleeps at all! (I know it's not always a given - so trying to be thankful for that too!) 

- lanolin cream and coconut oil 

- BOBA!!!! 

- a relatively smooth first post-partum poop experience. (I know this is tmi but anyone who has had a baby can attest to how scary that first time is!!!!! I was literally skipping out of the bedroom with praise hands afterwards. Ask my husband haha)

- mid-day family nap time at 1pm (the best!)

- being able to continue my study through Romans via BSF! 

- baby yawns 

h o m e / giving thanks

we're home. 

baby decided to change our plans and come a few days ahead of schedule which meant we got home around the same time my c-section was originally scheduled. what a whirlwind. I can't believe she is here and that we are already home - but feeling so happy and thankful. as we begin this next season at home as a family of four- we are welcomed into the sweet but challenging season of sleepless nights, around the clock cluster feeding, endless diaper changing, exhaustion-induced delirium and learning to multitask as we figure out how to settle into our new normal (read: trying to keep our toddler alive and occupied while tending to the constant and unpredictable needs of a newborn while trying to somehow remember to eat and do laundry). 

after spending our first day at home and getting a glimpse into what our new life will look like- I've been praying that God would cultivate in me an attitude of gratitude. I hope to seize even the craziness of this season to grow in my ability to see evidence of Gods grace in all things: big and small and I'm hoping this little blog if mine will give me a safe space to do just that.  so begins this series. 

so for today, I give thanks for: 

- french toast for breakfast (I seriously love hospital food, lol)

- family who live nearby and who live on us and care for us so well in sick practical and tangible ways (watching asher, picking up food, making food for us!) 

- soft newborn skin 

- an easily distracted toddler who loves to give soft kisses to baby sis (melts my heart) 

- the cuteness that is newborn diapers (so stinking small!)

- a midday nap to help me survive the day, after only sleeping two 40-min increments last night (hello night two cluster feeding party...)

- waking up from said nap to a boba milk tea drink (was so happy!!!)

- sweet and amazing husband who took toddler out for a walk to pick up said amazing boba drink

- witch hazel pads and whatever spray thing they give you at the hospital (um hello my bffs)

- reminiscent thoughts of my other best friend, the epidural from a few days ago (you the real mvp)

- the way babies look when they sleep (esp when the mouth is slightly open) 

- kissing newborn cheeks

- being able to wear my non maternity leggings, esp since I didn't need to get a csection!! 

- energy to throw one load of laundry in the wash 

life is looking pretty sweet. 

God is good. 

<3

only 4 days to go...

i can't believe it! 

I can't believe that in just a few days - baby girl will be here. 

it's so surreal.

there are just too many thoughts and feelings (FEELZ!) going on everywhere so i'll try to consolidate and organize and articulate some of that here for my safe keeping. it'll be a random vomit of words but hopefully it'll help me to remember the hazy craze of this last week before baby #2.

what have we been up to? 

life has gone on, as usual - without any drastic difference from any other week or month of our lives. errands, playdates, chores, etc. eugene has been working his new job for about 1.5 months now, so much of our lives have been trying to adjust and adapt and figure out how to fit into our new normal. eugene's days off are filled with sweet mundanes (going grocery shopping together, going out for lunch, running errands, playing at home, chores) and his work-days are busy with me keeping asher pre-occupied and coming home in time to prepare dinner, pack lunch, etc. we've somewhat gotten a routine down -- which we've realized is soon to completely change once baby girl joins the mix. 

what have you been feeling?

physically - insomnia (still, but better!), crazy lower back and hip/pelvis joint pain and a lot of baby movement. baby is definitely not comfortable in there and is making it known. sometimes it really feels like there's an alien trying to escape my body because she pushes out so hard! i've also had lingering cold symptoms for the last 2 weeks (stuffy nose, sore/scratchy throat, malaise..) and it hasn't been fun. today was the worst of it but I think we rode out the storm -- i see the light! hopefully will be all good before baby comes on monday - eep!

emotionally - I've been feeling a mix of so many things! excited, nervous, anxious! but this past week i've been feeling really sentimental with a little, tiny, miniscule ounce of sad. i've been really soaking up every day and moment with asher this week. I've really, really, really been loving our time together and been enjoying and treasuring everything about him (even the hard stuff!) he has been taking terribly short naps these days (less than 1 hour, usually only 30-40 mins) and before it would drive me a little crazy. but this week it made me happy because that meant I could spend more time with him! I've pushed his bedtime back almost a full hour everyday and he's been spoiled with really long bath times this week - like 30/40 mins long! (his fave, and my-usually-rushed-hurry-up-and-get-out-so-you-can-go-to-bed-and-I-can-rest-and-get-chores-done task) which makes for really pruny toes but also really long and fun bonding sessions of singing all his favorite songs with awesome acoustics (i've even taken my uke in there a few times and we've jammed out on all his faves including 'twinkle twinkle little star', 'wheels on the bus', 'mary had a little lamb' etc...lol!) 

thoughts

it's been a really eye-opening week for me because I realized that this week has shown me how sweet all the little mundane things are. those everyday moments that often get overlooked are such precious moments that we are so blessed to have if we just take a moment to appreciate them! having this "last week" with just asher has helped me to not stress so much about getting things done but just really be present and it has made such a profound difference in my ability to have joy and a heart of gratitude throughout the day. I realized that a lot of times, I get distracted by all the things I have to do (clean up, make dinner, etc) that I fail to just get down on my hands and knees and just enjoy him at this age right now! 

on another note: this morning, I had to make an urgent phone call and asher had a complete meltdown because I wasn't paying attention to him. he cried because I wasn't listening to what he was saying and he wanted me to hold him and then he wanted to eat a snack, and then he wanted a different snack from what I handed him and then he wanted me to give him something from another room but i couldn't make out what he was asking me for. I had trouble hearing the person on the other line and was trying to bounce back and forth from paying attention to my phone call and asking asher to be patient and "wait for mommy" and "mommy will help you in a minute" to try to prevent this inevitable meltdown - which failed if you were wondering haha. it flustered me and stressed me out - and i realized how that was a glimpse of what life is going to be like for us in a week or so! it gave me an opportunity to pray and prepare my heart for what's to come - and also to really ask God to help me to not have a grumbling spirit and wish the newborn season were to pass quickly so that we can just "get over it". i really want to enjoy every day and week and stage with baby the way I was able to with asher - so this frantic phone call chaos gave me an opportunity to do just that. twas cray cray - but felt so grateful! 

questions

there have been a lot of questions running through my mind that I want to ask myself in a few weeks or so. a lot of things I've been wondering and pondering and curious to see what future me will think and say. I decided to write it down here so that I can look back and answer it once the dust settles (don't judge because a lot of these are silly and some of them are downright crazy-sounding but these are the honest things I wonder and ask myself, probably everyday):

- will I love baby as much as I love asher?

- will I love asher less because of the baby?

- is it true that my heart/love doubles? when does that happen? at birth or later?

- is it as cray cray as people say it is? or as I feel like it will be?

- how do I go grocery shopping?! or do anything outside of the house by myself?

- who do I put in the car/carseat first? who do I take out first? 

- will I have time to do laundry? or cook? (i completely failed at meal prep btw. oops)

- how do I pack my diaper bag with two-kids worth of stuff (i.e. two diff sized diapers)? and omg how many wipes do I have to take for both babies..lol

- how will breastfeeding be different this time around? do I even remember how to do this?

- will the baby be used to sound and loud noises (asher was!) or will she be super sensitive?

- will she take the bottle? (asher never did..) 

- how will our family dynamic change after baby girl is here?

- will my recovery be similar to last time or will it be harder this time around?

- how will I guard my time with the Lord in my personal devotions?

- will my brain feel fried?

- will I eat a lot of sushi after she's born? (I really crave spicy tuna..)

- will it be/feel different having a girl this time around? 

i know i'm crazy.

to-do's

so in my last pregnancy post, I posted a list of things I wanted to do during the last month before baby girl comes. here is an update on my progress.

• I want to get my life somewhat settled before she comes: finishing unpacking, get a deep cleaning of our apartment, get an oil change/car wash

I got an oil change and car wash and probably unpacked 2-3 more boxes. and vacuumed (no way did I deep clean, HA! how funny I am.) I also did like 7 loads of laundry in the last 10 days so....

• MEAL PREP. this past week I wrote out a plan of 10 meals I want to make and freeze before baby comes. I'm hoping to finish it all in this next week or so (first, I need to clear my freezer!) I just ordered containers from dollar tree that will help me freeze meals that I can perfectly fit into my instapot and will hopefully write a post on that as well! 

yeah, so I bought these really cool containers from the dollar store that are supposed to be freezer-safe and the round-frozen-and-slightly-thawed freezer meal is supposed to perfectly fit into the instapot (so convenient!) and my goal for almost every week for the last 3 weeks was to clear out our freezer so I could make these meals but that never happened. and so I never prepped these meals. so if anyone wants any of these perfect-for-instapot freezer tupperware containers for $1/each, holla at cho girl; lol... 

• I desperately need to get a haircut. I usually cut/trim my own hair and get my hair professionally cut MAYBE once a year but I have been way overdue and this pregnancy has done all kinds of crazies to my hair - so hopefully I can get it done before she gets here. Maybe add a little color too (woot woot - mama gone wild)

Yay! I did it! I got a fresh cut and colored my hair for the first time (balayaaaged baby!) 

• Go on as many one-on-one dates with Asher and spend time together as a family of 3.

I love family time! I am definitely so thankful for the time I've been able to spend with both Eugene and Asher this last month! we went to the zoo and had a lot of sweet family time together. Love my boys.

• Go to karaoke!!!!!! (though the last time I went I went a little too crazy and got legit contractions after dancing to one of my songs. LOL) 

I wasn't able to go but maybe it's better because I'm pretty sure I would have gone into labor, lol. Eugene told me to take it easy so that I don't go into labor early before he finishes work - so I had to sacrifice. Maybe I'll go after the baby is here. They sell baby sound-protecting/eliminating earmuffs.

• Go on a date with Eugene! 

someone graciously offered to take Asher for the evening on Sunday so we will party it up one last time the day before baby's arrival. Yay! 

• Schedule all of our doctors appointments! We just got dental/vision health care again so we need to do that and we want to see our PCP's and meet baby girls' pediatrician before she comes (too ambitious?!)

We went a little crazy. we changed all of our doctors and got in a lot of appointments this past month. Asher went to the dentist (first time!). We got our eyes checked, and Eugene went to the dentist too! I also met baby girl's pediatrician, who will now also be Asher's ped too! Super busy but productive month!

• I should probably also pack my hospital bag. probably.

 I did it! well, I threw everything inside a bag. but gonna try to organize tomorrow and hopefully post what's inside again! 

last-minute to-do's?

tomorrow will be eugene's last day of work before his 'paternity leave' so I'm gonna try to wrap up a few small things (i.e. clean the bathrooms, organize the fridge/freezer, finishing packing up my hospital bag). and then do some last-minute cleaning and organizing (clean out and organize baby girl's room which is still serving as our storage room, organize the garage, finish unpacking our room, etc.) and then do some last minute stuff for the baby (move the bassinet into our room, install our infant carseat *sob*, buy some random things like infant vitamins, sterilize my bottles...maybe haha) 

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also, random fun fact: with all of the natural disasters taking place and the rumors of a big earthquake coming to california later this year -- eugene has been on an emergency kit craze and it has been a mix of hilarious and super adorable. we are currently in the process of getting our backpack together and he bought so many cases of water over the weekend (LOL) so if yall have any suggestions on what to put in our bag, let us know! (i.e. do we have to pack underwear?) 

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one more thing! 

last year, the week of asher's due date I did a walk down memory lane post with a chronicle of my relationship with Eugene from friendship to dating to marriage to babyland. it was such a fun post for me to write and share so I thought i'd share it again here. THE TIME IS NIGH (once again!)

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until next time!

xoxo

a letter to my 20-month old first-born, not-a-baby-anymore-but-always-gonna-be-my-baby, "baby baby boy"

dear darling baby boy,

happy 20 months! 

words can't express how grateful we are for you and how much joy and fun you bring into our little lives. at this age - you are friendly, silly, temperamental (at times!), very opinionated, picky (esp when it comes to songs we are listening to in the car), curious, easy going and so sweet.  you love to sing and dance. you generally eat really really well, though you aren't a huge fan of veggies (surprise, surprise). you are obsessed with trains, buses, vehicles in general, wa-wa, animals and fruit pouches (every morning when you wake up your first word is "pouch", lol!) you just started calling me "mommy" instead of "mama". you constantly need my attention - when I'm in the middle of a conversation you go 

"mama, mama, mama, mommy, mommy"

"yes baby?" 

"what's this?" (pointing to some random object)

you just started repeating everything I say and are learning so many words. Today we were at Target and I was trying to decide which travel shampoo to buy and you continued to repeat "how bout....this" after mommy said it once. (so cute! *sob*) you love eating spicy food (including kimchi and hot cheetos). you love to push buttons while saying "press" and "push". you always remind us to turn the light off by saying "off". you like to 'help' me in the kitchen - esp washing rice! you are really good at throwing away your diapers while saying "trow" (throw) and "twwwash" (trash) but sometimes you ask me to do it for you by saying "mama". you sleep with your toddler pillow, three blankies (lovingly called "boaw" and your two bears who you lovingly named "ash" and "tiko" (after grandma). you hate getting your diaper changed. You always want to go outside and ask all the time if u can go "owsss". I love it when you say the words "next", "arm" and "meh meh" (hehe). As of yesterday you stopped signing and now verbally say "all done" and "more".  you've lost some interest in books (mommy's fault) but love to scribble and are getting really good at puzzles! you love to be held and carried, which is hard for me to do in this 90+ degree heat whilst 37 weeks pregnant but I love holding you! you like to cuddle and rest your head on our shoulder - only immediately before bedtime and will ask to go "night night" when you're tired. you just recently started calling mommy's belly "baby" and love to share your snacks and water and give baby hugs and kisses (except when you're grumpy after naps. millions of little details I never ever want to forget.  we love you so. 

In just a little over two weeks, you will no longer be our only child but will be promoted to "big brother" and "first born". In many ways I'm nervous about your sister coming because of how it might change our dynamic and relationship with you. You made me a mama when you entered into this world - and it's hard to imagine what it will be like to have another baby. because you're my baby. people tell me that once the baby comes, you will seem so much bigger and older. which strangely makes me a little sad. I love that you're my baby. 

I can't imagine how our lives will be a month from now but it is with a full heart and so much gratitude that I anxiously wait for our new transition as a family of 4. I feel so thankful and blessed that God chose me to be your mama and hope and pray that I will daily cling to His grace to be faithful to his calling and for the strength and wisdom to do this job well. though you will not be the baby baby of the family anymore, you will forever be my baby and I love you so! 

let's do this thang baby boy. 

gird up your loins. 

xoxo,

mama