And just like that, he's 2. Fastest 2 years of my life. The fastest and fullest. Hard but rewarding.
So thankful for 2 years and praying that by God's grace there will be decades and decades more of living, loving, learning and growing together.
A little letter to my forever baby and firstborn.
Dearest Asher,
Happy birthday! This was the first birthday where you were actually aware that something special was going on. You can say that you're 2. You still talk about your birthday party. You blew out your own candles (though it took a few tries, and a little help from me) You opened your own presents and insisted that you unwrap it yourself.
As hard as it is for me to admit it, you're definitely not a baby anymore.
I love everything about you.
I love your voice. I love the way you refer to yourself in third person. I love your smell. I love your laugh (so much!) and the way you giggle when you're tickled. I love the way you shrug and look over at me when you're scared. I love when you call out for me when you need a hug and how your voice goes really high when you say words like "small" and "hi" (to baby) and when you imitate my voice saying "i love you". I love how you like calling me and daddy by our first names. I hate to admit it but since it's still in the innocent/clueless/not-malicious stage, I even love your side eye. I love the way you round out your vowels when you sing. I love when you sing. I love the way you dance and how your hop/jump is a literal 1 inch off the ground. To me, you are more than I could have ever asked for and more than I deserve. You make me happy everyday.
Life is so much more fun and full because of you. When you were a baby we loved you and adored you and cherished you for being small and cute and ours...but now, we love you and enjoy every day with you because we are seeing more of YOU. It's such a blast being able to see and experience things anew with you. You show us what awe and wonder is due to the magnificent things God has created in this world and how there is much cause for joy in all things - big and small, when we take the time to appreciate it for what it is. You make us excited about things that have become mundane. You cause us to enjoy things (to greater degrees) because of your enthusiasm, curiosity and energy!
At 2 years old, you are many things. You are smart and so curious. You love to talk and ask questions (once I'm able to figure out what you're trying to say - toddler gibberish is awesome). You love, love, LOVE books and ask us to read at least 15-20 books a day (many times the same book at least 5 times). You have really great memory (as evidenced by your ability to sing along to many of our frequently played disney songs). You are silly and love to be funny (and are great at telling others that they're funny!) You are sooo social and definitely an extrovert. You can be a little volatile in your mood (especially after a bad nap and when exacerbated by HANGER - both understandable) but you thrive in small group settings and especially at home or when you're able to run outside. You are a great big brother. You are an affectionate friend. You are the sweetest son.
One of the things you love most besides books and running around outside is FOOD.
We used to joke that if you weren't a good eater, then you definitely could NOT have been our kid ("switched at birth", we say). But you are most definitely ours. You love to eat and can eat A LOT. Of course you have your bad days, and you are picky (i.e. doesn't prefer veggies) but what toddler isn't? We love eating with you and trying new foods with you. We (or I) have always been pretty loose about what you eat (i.e. you've eaten your fair share of ice cream, cakes, pastries, chips, juices) etc but I'm thankful that you're always willing to at least try everything which makes us so happy. We can't wait for all of our foodie adventures in this new year. Let's try to learn how to use chopsticks this year, yeah? Eating noodles with your hand is a little more yucky when you're 3.
As of a few weeks ago, you have been understanding and comprehending more of what I say and we've been able to have a lot of small conversations. It has come with some hard things (i.e. you're strong willed and your ability to defy us has become quite clear and intentional, which we always knew was in your nature), it has been the most amazing thing.
I can't wait for all of the conversations we will have this year and for all the things we will learn together. I hope I never tire of your questions! I hope you never tire of our conversations (even when you're older and too cool for me. *prayer hand emoji*) Talking with you is my favorite!
Since your first week of life, I have always said "THIS IS MY FAVORITE STAGE". Every new stage is better than the last and when I think "it can't get any better/sweeter/more fun than this!"...it does.
Of course it has not been without hardship, or rough days, or tearful moments of exhaustion/frustration/defeat - but by the grace of God, I am able to choose joy and be grateful for each and every day and it has helped me to really enjoy you and life with you every single day in the last 2 years. No matter how hard the day was, each night I truly go to sleep feeling so full and thankful for the privilege I have to be your mama. every morning, I praise God for the gift that I have to spend another day loving you. You are my world. and yet, daily I remind myself that I am but a steward. A steward entrusted by God to care for you and love you and teach you. A steward called to be faithful to the calling I received to raise you and nurture you - mind, body and soul.
There are so many hopes I have for you. I hope you always love to learn. I hope you are always a good eater. I hope you are smart and get a full scholarship somewhere (I don't really care where as long as it's free -- yo mama's azn, boy!) I hope you are successful and find a job that will help you to use the gifts that God has given you and to provide for your family. I hope you are kind. I hope you become a man (like a real man!) I hope you become a man marked by grace and humility.
But above all these hopes I have for you, I hope most that you will come to the saving knowledge of Christ. I hope that you will see the hopelessness found in the sin of this world and in your own heart- and turn to Christ to save you. I hope that you will see the vanity of chasing after things of this world and gathering up your treasures where moth and rust destroy -- and that you will value and invest in heavenly things. I hope that you will be a man of conviction, whose lamp and light is only that which shines from God's inerrant Word and that you would be eager to learn and obey it. I hope that you will grow to be a vessel and instrument that He can use to love and care for others with a heart of Christ and that many would come to know Him through you.
I pray this with all my heart.
In all honesty, not as often as I ought, but truly this is my deepest longing for you. With the busyness and distractions of life and the day-to-days of motherhood, I fail so often. I know that I fall short in many ways. But I praise God that in my weakness, His strength is magnified. That in my insufficiency, His sufficiency is put on display. and that I can find hope for the future and renewed energy and strength for each day in the God who created you, loves you (far more than me) and is absolutely sovereign over all things.
He is everything, Asher! He is worth everything. There is no true joy or hope we can find in this life apart from Him.
I hope and pray that I will faithfully use every day to teach you that.
Cheers to a new year of learning and growing together. I love you so.
Love,
your mama.
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