Can I tell you guys something cute?
Before I had a baby/when I was pregnant, I imagined what my life post-baby would look like. I envisioned that I would take a walk to sprouts every morning as soon as the baby woke up (which would of course be at the convenient hour of 8:00 am, everyday.) I would walk to sprouts and grab just a few groceries that I needed (think: 1 avocado, and maybe a new loaf of bread) -- since, living on the 3rd floor and having to carry a baby and 10 bags of groceries up the stairs would be too crazy! I would make my daily, early morning walk to the grocery store and of course would stop by a coffee shop on my way home. Baby would be so perfectly happy sitting in the stroller and enjoying the crisp, early morning breeze with me. We would sit outside of Peet's as I sipped on my freshly brewed cup o' joe whilst reading my bible. It was lovely.
I also have a really clean house. I also wash my bedsheets every 3 days and there is always a crock pot meal cooking (because, hello-- I'm prepared. duh) Baby has 3 glorious 2-hour naps throughout the day and that's when I would have people over for coffee or lunch, get all my chores done and read a few chapters of a book in my summer reading list. This is what I imagined my life would look like, post-baby.
So. cute.
-- Reality check --
Baby wakes up at random times every day. Today it was 5:30am. I let him cry for a bit while I'm still half-drunken in slumberland when husband who is awake and getting ready to go tells me that he's been awake and crying for 30 minutes already. You didn't hear him? Oops!
I scurry into his room, pick him up and try to do a quick "dream feed" (ha!) and put him back down, hoping that he will fall asleep! Sometimes he does, until 8:30, sometimes he's wide-eyed and ready for the day. I then proceed to change his overnight diaper that probably weights 8 lbs and is bursting at the seams - it's almost translucent. and it is oddly satisfying. I change it quickly and set up the baby gate in the living room, encasing said baby from escaping and getting into dangerous things (think: extension cords and small pieces of wood that are chipping from our falling-apart dining chairs) I plop him inside the gate and lay out all his toys (aka distractions). Why do I set up a gate? So that I can lay down inside of it with him to sleep while he plays in a safely encased arena because I am seeing double and can't stay sitting up without falling asleep.
(This is our routine almost every morning).
There have been weeks where the same loads of laundry sit in the washer + dryer for 2-3 days (Don't worry, I wash/dry them again if it's been at least a day, lol! Sorry, California Drought -- eep!) I reuse the same washed cups and bowls that I let dry in the dishwasher so that I don't have to pile more things into the dishwasher (it's clean!) Today I washed our bedsheets for the first time in what seems like forever because I saw our previously white bed cover slightly change color (ew!) I am now a splurge grocery-shopper...meaning, I wait until the last minute and accumulate as many things on my list as humanly possible before venturing out. I walk up the stairs with baby in one hand and 10-12 bags of groceries in the other (all conveniently hooked to my Mommy Hook, of course. Because I mean..how else?) as I huff and puff up 3 flights of stairs. Always so much regret -- why do I always wait? What happened to my Sprouts Plan? When I invite people over for dinner, I start prepping for dinner 6-8 hours in advance because I never know if I will have time to do it after baby goes down. A lot of days, baby's naps are only 20-30 minutes long. My coffee is almost always still sitting in keurig cup holder, untouched and forgotten from a frantic morning of getting baby ready. The end of the day, the house is complete chaos with clothes on the floor, toys in every nook and cranny, a kitchen counter explosion of avocado peels and dirty pots and the floor is almost always covered by puffs, squashed blueberries and pureed prune smears.
But when baby goes nigh nigh..mama can "get to work. The toys can be put away. The gate is neatly folded to the side. The clothes are finally taken out of the dryer. Dishes are finally, finally washed (though it needs a bit of a soak because the food is crusted dry and not able to be removed at this point, lol). Trash is taken away. The floor is cleaned and the counter is (sometimes, though probably should always be) sanitized. Sometimes, my old + stale cup of coffee is thrown into a mason jar with some ice + cream for a late night treat.
My life now is definitely not what I imagined it to be. I, most definitely, do not "have it all together". I shudder at the thought that someone might swing by announced (you are all welcome, btw) and that they would see the reality of my hot mess life. But today, lots of hugs and kisses were given. We sang lots of songs and danced to Meghan Trainor's "Me Too" (despite the egotistical lyrics) one too many times. I can honestly say that I enjoyed my family today and loved my new life as a mom. It's definitely not always easy. It is most definitely not cute, like ever. but it is wonderful and sweet and gives me so many reasons to be thankful.
Tomorrow is a new day!
xo
give thanks: homemade banana bread that has been the best morning treat for the last 7 days (it's probably not good anymore, but whatever!), iced coffee, encouraging lunch dates, baby laughter, long naps that give opportunity to clean and declutter (!!!), free stuff online, pockets of time to read, renewed convictions
God is kind.
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