Rest.

(disclaimer: the following post was a journal entry that I had penned for my personal viewing only but decided to make it public in case there were others struggling with something similar. due to my lack of time to read thru and edit - please excuse if something is unclear or if there are more gramatical errors than usual. this has been something on my heart for the last few weeks, so hoping that by sharing it i can encourage others who may be thinking thru somethign similar. this post was originally done in my DayOne journaling app for those who asked what app I use for journaling!) 

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The  ongoing theme for our Sunday sermons recently and the topics of my thoughts has been surrounding the idea and concept of “rest”. What is it really and what is its purpose? What is the source from which we should be seeking this “rest”? Is “rest” a means to an end or is it an “end” to which we ought to pursue?

In this season of my life as a mom of two active toddlers - “rest” is a foreign concept. A seemingly unattainable luxury. A past-time (ha!)

However, when I think about how “rest” is described in the Bible - i think most about Jesus. In His 3 years of earthly ministry,  He was always on the go. As evidenced by the gospel account from mark (which is what I’m currently reading through now), I see that Christ was often stretched (if that is such a thing for One who is fully man AND fully God). Though infinite and mighty as God Himself, in His humanity, even Christ needed rest. respite from his duties. He needed to recharge, re-fuel, re-energize. And yet, the way this is most often mentioned in His earthly accounts was that He would seperate Himself from the multitudes, and find a secluded place to pray to His Father. That was His source of rest. Because God Himself was His rest. He drew strength for the crowds, the miracles, the teachings, the miles walked (can’t forget that!) by reguarly communing with His Father and enjoying fellowship with Him. He prayed to God. Though we don’t know the content of all of His prayers - what we do know is that Christ always had His eyes, heart and mind fixed on what His Father’s will was and did all according to His good pleasure. Despite what was happening outwardly, Christ was always able to remain steadfast (and steady!) because His confidence, His strength, His purpose was always found in trusting in and entrusting Himself to His Father.

I often lack this type of fellowship with God.
For longer than I can remember, prayer has always been my weakest spiritual discipline. Whether my excuse may be lack of discipline, busyness, laziness or the sheer inability to sit down and have quiet uninterrupted moment to myself in this season of my life -- ultimately the reason of my lack of prayer is rooted in my unbelief. My lack of belief and faith in that God is there. that He is listening. that He is able. that He knows. that He understands. that He is able to guide and lead me in this or that confusing time when it seems more tangible to read a book about it or a blogpost or ask a friend. that He is able to strengthen me more than this nap or cup of coffee will. that He is able to aid me in my wrestling with sin. that He is able to soften hearts, open doors, use my mouth for His kingdom work. If I truly believed in all of these things with all my heart, then why would i not/HOW could I not pray. I would. Belief would lead to action. A life devoted to prayer is a by-product of faith and trust in a God who is able.

So let’s stop the excuses. Let’s lay down the reasons for why we can not or have not or do not. Let’s make cushion in our life to make this a priority. Let’s give things up to make it the most important thing.

If He is our true rest, not merely the source of or a means to, but the True and Only Rest we will find in this life - than may I seek it with all my heart. May I unarm these other means that I have put on pedestals for all my life (may it be coffee, or that extra 10 mins of sleep in the morning or that “much-needed” mid-day powernap or this/that luxury in the name of self-care) and let’s seek our true rest in Him, by seeking Him out in prayer. in laying our burdens at His feet. in “being overwhelmed by who He is rather than what we have to do today”.

I’m about to go on a night shift with no sleep right now. (I couldnt seem to fall asleep during the day today!) which means that by the time I am off tomorrow, I will have been awake for over 24 hours. There is a part of me that feels anxious thinking about how tonight with go with my lack of sleep (will I make a mistake? will I be able to last? will I feel like death?) but reminding myself of this today as I sit in a noisy starbucks 30-minutes before the start of my shift, downing my 2nd venti cold brew of the day and physically having palpitations due to the rapid infusion of caffiene my body just had to process -- I surprisingly feel at peace. I feel refreshed, even if not energized physically - i feel a kind of strength, joy and confidence that can not be explained by anything other than the fact that I have found my true rest in the only One who can grant it to me.

May He always be our resting place. May we draw strength from Him and Him alone and may all these things compel us to live for Him in all that we do. (in my case, staying awake these next 12 hours and taking care of my patients as excellently and joyfully as i can!)