Asher is 5 months!

Dear baby,

Happy 5 months!

Time has never gone so fast. I can't believe you're already 5 months old. This was such an amazing month - so many things happened and lots of first time experiences!

• Daddy graduated from Pharmacy school (finally!) and I celebrated my first mother's day! 
• You went to play in the swimming pool for the first time and had ZERO expression. (lol!) It was a little anticlimatic but we could tell that you enjoyed it! 
• You're sloooooooowly starting to babble/coo more (slowly because we only get to hear it once a week, it seems!).. but when you do it is such a treat for us and it melts our hearts and we bust out our phones to record every second of it. and then when you go to sleep we watch it again 100 times. Most of the sounds you make in discovering your voice sounds much like a cat wailing in pain - so strange and a little bit scary haha. 
• We started letting you play with solids (avocado, banana, sweet potato, carrots and rice cereal so far) Avocado is your favorite and you already know how to use a spoon!
• You love taking sips of water out of mommy and daddy's cups!
• You still continue to hate, hate, hate the bottle so we've resorted to sippy cups and finally found something that you would drink out of! 
• You have been scratching your face like crazy! I've been cutting your nails almost every other day and we tried putting gloves, socks, and special no-scratch mittens on you but somehow you find ways to take them off! 
• You are going through your four-month sleep regression (as we expected you would!) and it's been a little tough on both of us, but we are just making it work! I'm enjoying the extra cuddle times at night while we still have em!
• The biggest thing we dealt with this month was ECZEMA. Boo, eczema! Your face looked so, so crazy sometimes and a lot of times you looked diseased. People would always ask me what was wrong with your face and it would make me so sad! But you were such a trooper and you were seriously the happiest eczema boy ever! Thankfully it's getting better after trying 6 different lotions/creams/soaps and thankfully you don't have a dairy allergy!!!! 

We wanted to commemorate your fifth month of life + your battle with eczema in your photo this month. Even though it was tough, God always provides us with the strength that we need to persevere and just to live life with joy! Eczema Shmeczema - it aint got nothing on us!

So why not? 

I realized that we took a lot of videos of you this month (so many things happening!) and since I'm less mobile post-foot surgery, I was able to make you a video of all the fun things that happened. (Did you know that we can make videos on our phones now? It's craziness). What an amazing month this has been. Can't wait for what's next. 

Love you so much, Asher baby boy! 

xoxo,

mama

{dear baby} 31 weeks of you / 4 years of us

dear baby,

happy 31 weeks! 

we've reached the homestretch and it's crazy/scary/exciting to think that you will be here in just a few months! we're hoping that you don't come too early since daddy will be gone for a 6 week rotation and will be done only 2 weeks shy of your due date. so try to stay in there, okay? 

today we went in for our 3rd trimester growth scan. i found out today that this isn't an ultrasound that people generally do -- except your scan last trimester actually showed that you had a choroid plexus cyst on your brain, which is a soft marker for trisomy 18. although they told us that your risk of  trisomy 18 was relatively low (our blood work looked 'stellar', they said) -- we were able to get a follow up ultrasound to see if the cyst went away or not. daddy and I had donuts and coffee this morning before our appointment. 

we would love you no matter what - but we were so happy to hear that everything looked perfect. we even got to see your little face as you were turning your head!

thankfully, she was able to snap a quick picture and we nearly melted a million times!

you are a whopping 4 lbs and 3 oz already (almost 1lb heavier than expected at your gestational age). we have about 9 more weeks of growing to do, so don't fatten up too much! but please continue to grow well. our hearts are so full with gratitude for the way God has been growing you so far. it's so crazy to think that you went from a pea-sized bundle of cells to an actual baby with ventricles in the brain, a spine, a stomach and a little face! our God is truly an amazing creator.

as of last week, daddy and I have officially been married for 4 years. it's crazy to think that much time has passed already. this past week, we've been busy getting your nursery together, building furniture and  talking and thinking about you a whole lot. you've also been kicking and jumping around a lot more these days - daddy even felt your 5 karate kicks in a row and was so weirded out! it's crazy to think how much you are a part of me. it's crazy to think that what I eat directly supplies you with the nutrients you  need -- that the water I drink hydrates you and that every single thing I do affects you because we are connected (albeit via an umbilical cord, but connected nonetheless!) it's crazy because I feel like you are so "one" with me. 

you'll learn this when you're a bit older, but the bible says that the only person that I am truly "one" with is my husband/your daddy. this feeling of "one"-ness with you has been making my true "one"-ness with your daddy so much more real to me. to think that, no matter how much it feels that you are truly the person that I am most "one" with, that in God's eyes that I am not one with you but with your daddy. 

marriage is so beautiful. so sacred. and such a beautifully profound shadow of the "one"-ness we have with Jesus. God specifically ordained marriage to be the institution in which Christ's love for us in the gospel is most clearly displayed. everyday I experience this uniquely intimate connection that I have with you - and am reminded all the more that, my covenant unity in marriage to your daddy is something even beyond that. i'm learning more deeply what it means to be "one" in marriage, but even moreso, the unimaginable beauty of the love of Christ for us.

praying that daddy and I will be able to guard, protect and grow in our marriage even after your arrival, and praying that together we will learn more and more deeply the depth of God's love for us in the gospel.

thanks for the lessons (and the kicks!), baby. 

can't wait to see you soon.

love always,

mama

{dear baby} 28 weeks!

dear baby, 

we reached 7 months! 

as of yesterday, I officially entered my 3rd (and final!) trimester of pregnancy. it's been amazing. you've been making your presence quite known, especially in these last few weeks. you've been jumping and kicking and swimming around all over the place. sometimes, you give me a good punch in the bladder -- and to be completely honest, we've had some pretty close calls (sorry world, tmi). 

you've also been growing more and more in size and making my skin itchy and my back achy. despite the discomforts, I'm thankful that you remind me throughout the day that you're growing inside of me and I love having you with me always. my sweet little boy. my constant companion. 

work has been more and more challenging. with the insomnia, fatigue and extra weight I've been carrying around, I've been having to take a lot more breaks and haven't been able to do a lot of the running and heavy lifting that my job usually requires. it's been really humbling me! I've realized that I'm not good asking for help -- but I'm learning that I have to try my best to protect and take care of myself/you -- so I've been learning to be honest with myself and swallow my pride. 

ps. you love taking mid-day coffee breaks. :)

we also did our glucose tolerance test a couple weeks ago and found out that I passed! I was actually kind of nervous about this test because the doctor told me I was pretty high risk (Asian/PCOS). thankfully we did fine and our numbers look good! I ate a vanilla soft serve ice cream cone almost immediately after the blood draw (such a cheater!) and ate 2 popsicles a week later when our results were revealed. i say...we deserved it! (plus, this heat has been k i l l e r!)

my belly gets so huge after I eat and you move around like crazy! (my little foodie boy!) you've been forcing me to portion control because you really really hate sharing space with my food. 

looks so huge from this angle!

our goals for third trimester:

- finish your nursery 

- choose a name for you! 

- make a hospital bag

- figure out insurance stuff

- take some classes at the hospital

- do a growth scan/ultrasound (yay!)

- wash and put away your clothes 

- spend a lot of time with family 

a few weeks ago, I went to ikea to look for some nursery furniture and we had a fun little date, you and I. we ate chicken tenders and fries because they've recently been your/my fave. 

last week, I had a doctors appointment and she instructed me to spend time every night counting how long it takes for you to kick 10 times. when she told me, I was so surprised - I had never heard of anyone having to do that before (didn't know it was a thing!) and thought, "my goodness, how am I gonna just lay there and wait for 10 kicks-- that's gonna take hours!" 

I never realized how active and wiggly you really were until I started my kick counts last week. your current average is about 20-30 minutes. daddy gives you a pep talk before the kick counts every night and asks you to be a good boy and finish your 10 kicks early so that I can sleep. (I fell asleep the first few times and had to start over!) I love the way he cups his hands and puts his head right on my belly to talk to you. he loves you so much and nothing has ever melted me more!

these last few weeks have been such a treat and you have been worth every discomfort and every fatigued moment. we love you so much and can't wait to meet you. we're praying for you everyday.  please continue to grow and develop well ! hopefully we will have a name picked out for you soon! 

p.s. i have this ongoing bet with myself whether or not my bellybutton is gonna ever become an outie during this pregnancy. for the longest time you made it sucked in like a huge crater (sorry, tmi again!) but i'm slowly starting to see some progress. i secretly always wanted to try to be an outie - so much easier to clean, lol! 

don't be embarrassed of me. xoxo

love,

mama

{dear baby} 23 weeks!

dear baby,

happy 23 weeks! 

a few weeks ago, we passed our halfway mark. so amazing! I've been feeling pretty good these days -- work days are the tougher days and I usually fall asleep on the couch or on the floor and daddy has to wake me up to brush my teeth and take my contacts out. It's so silly! It's crazy how much energy it takes to make a little human. I've been taking a lot of naps these days and just trying to listen to my body when I need to sleep. Sometimes when I'm tired at work, I'll take 5-10 minutes to rest my eyes in a little storage closet. My coworkers have been so sweet in taking care of me. You have a lot of wonderful aunties and uncles there. 

a few weeks ago, I started feeling your little flutters. (feels just like gas bubbles - so weird!) this week your kicks have been feeling more prominent and sometimes I lie in bed just to feel you jump around. it's the most amazing thing. your kicks aren't strong enough for daddy to feel you yet, but he still keeps his hand on my belly while reading or watching tv, in case one day you decide to give him a good jab. I can't wait for him to be able to experience it too! 

I also have been having a lot of weird cravings. recently, it's been talenti ice cream (the ice cream is no surprise, but you specifically like the talenti brand), white toast with butter and small grape tomatoes. We've been trying to eat better these days for you - so we actually did spagetti squash this week. :) 

You hate being hungry (you give me really hard jabs when I skip a meal) but I don't think you like sharing space with a full stomach either (nausea for days!) so that means frequent small meals and snacks all the time.  I've been trying to do more reading, so it's been the perfect way to wind down with a midday snack.

It's so weird because even though we haven't really met you yet, we love you so much. We pray for you often and wonder what you're gonna be like and how you will change our lives. With every week and every inch the circumfrence of my belly grows, the reality that you will be here soon becomes more and more real. We thank God for you everyday and pray that you'll continue to grow healthy and strong. 

We love you so much, our sweet son! 

I'll eat some more ice cream today after work in your honor. Xoxo 

love always,

mama. 

{dear baby} 100 days!

dear baby,

today marks your 100th day in the womb. 

we love you so much already and we are praying for you every day. these last few months have been teaching us what it means to really trust in God fully and to wholeheartedly surrender to Him. 

there are so many things I want to do to protect you already. i've been trying my best to:

• eat healthy (despite the food aversions + constant nausea - why do you hate chicken and fish so much?)

• get lots of rest + sleep (daddy has been very gracious in letting me leave dirty dishes in the sink and folded laundry stacked on the couch almost every day) 

• not run after bed alarms too fast or carry heavy patients (my co-workers aka your aunties and uncles have been helping me out!) 

• drink lots and lots of water (it's harder to do at work, but do you know I wake up almost 2 times a night to pee? well, of course you do.) 

•  limit my caffeine intake (did you know I haven't had a real cup of coffee for the last 3 months? I hear you can have 1 cup but daddy says "no". you'll learn soon enough that this is quite shocking!) 

• get regular exercise to build my strength + endurance (even though the lack of energy makes it pretty challenging!). 

sometimes every day I'm tempted to buy a fetal heart monitor and strap it to myself so that I can make sure you are okay at all times. or I want to go to the ER or urgent care just so I can see you. i'm already such a crazy, overbearing mama. it's embarrassing.

God has been teaching me that there is no where safer or better for you to be than in the safety of His arms. I'm learning that it is He who has etched every detail of you from the beginning of time; that even before you were created/conceived - that He designed your every detail and has written out all the days of your little life. I'm learning that your life in the womb and out of it is completely and solely and sovereignly sustained by the mercy of the One who created you. I'm learning to find my peace in knowing that God is always in control and I'm realizing that's a lesson I'm gonna have to learn every day of your/my life. there is nothing else that can provide me peace as I carry you now and pray and plan on how we will help you grow in all the days to come. what hope and joy we are able to have in this world of uncertainties and changing circumstances that we have a God who is ever-unchanging, always-sovereign and so, so loving.

we still have a long way to go together and I can't wait to watch you grow.

today we commemorated your 100th day by going on a date night at a really yummy chinese restaurant. your daddy ate a lot. I hope you get your appetite from him. I, on the other hand, couldn't eat much today because my belly is starting to feel pretty full and uncomfortable. I have shortness of breath. you should see me try to climb the stairs - it's pretty pathetic (ha, ha!)

ps. if you don't mind, can we start eating pho again? it's actually one of my fave foods but you don't seem to like it too much. if not, it's coo. love you.

xoxo,

mama

p.p.s. you twitched in the middle of your ultrasound today and when your daddy saw that he freaked out because he twitches in his sleep too. he was really smiley and proud that you got that from him. (silly boy)